There are multiple reasons why the phrases “unique human connection event” and “conversations on the dark and light of love” make my skin crawl and my brain go into panic mode. Firstly – and I don’t mean to stereotype – I’m northern. We don’t take part in that wishy-washy new age drivel; we’re very happy with a night in front of the telly, eating chips and gravy and repressing our emotions, thank you very much. Secondly, I’m 25 and live up to every millennial cliché The Times wants to throw at us. I can’t remember the last time I had a sober deep conversation and most of my communication takes place via WhatsApp. And finally, I judge everyone for the slightest of differences. Yes, I know it’s because I’m uncomfortable with myself. So do I seek out human connection and deeper conversations about love? Not really. I’m good, thanks.

But I went anyway, because under my surface level bravado and arrogance, I do crave a deeper, human connection with no judgement or consequences. Plus I’d read something on the event page about a four-course menu, and I’m not one to turn down food. Turns out I should have read more thoroughly before I decided against eating beforehand.

The event I was so reluctant to attend was being run by Trigger Conversations, a community and series of workshops dedicated to encouraging honest, open, significant conversations. Tired of meeting new people and having to go through the rigmarole of small talk and explaining what she does for a living over and over again, Georgie Nightingall set out to find a solution. She began inviting her friends to themed salons in an attempt to prompt chat that goes beyond what you watched on Netflix last night. Eventually, the gatherings became more structured, and the idea of a conversational “menu” was born – hence my expectation that I was about to sit down for a feast.

I thought that as soon as I entered I’d morph into this confident lady, ready to mine the depths of my patchy love life for the sake of a good conversation.

“I want to talk about something bigger,” says Nightingall, “and I feel like people want to do the same, but most of our behaviour is defined by social norms. It’s entirely weird to walk up to someone and ask them their biggest fear. People don’t feel like there’s a space to ask the questions they actually want to ask.” And she’s right – if a stranger asked me what my biggest fear was, I would answer “heights” because that’s more socially acceptable than “being alone forever”. At least, I would have done before I attended Conversations On The Dark And Light Of Love.

I thought that as soon as I entered the co-working space where the event was being held, my fears would melt away and I’d morph into this confident lady, ready to mine the depths of my patchy love life for the sake of a good conversation. Instead I was greeted by Nightingall, who might just be the happiest, most comfortable-in-her-skin woman I’ve ever met. After I’d written my name in pink on a sticky label and slapped it on my boob (turns out that’s not the best place for a name tag when you’re constantly introducing yourself to strangers), I had to pick another sticker, this time a symbol. I went for a classic gold star, and that’s when the questions started. “What does that represent to you?” asked Nightingall. Oh god, here we go, I thought, I’m being psychoanalysed and I’ve still got my bloody coat on (told you I was northern). “School,” I panicked, “being good.” “Great! The toilets are over there, and there’s drinks and canapés in the main room.” Had I passed? Was there even a test?

The first thing I noticed was the alcohol. I breathed a sigh of relief – at least I wouldn’t be baring my soul sober.

The first thing I noticed was the alcohol. I breathed a sigh of relief – at least I wouldn’t be baring my soul sober. (Pro tip: Everyone goes for the wine at social events because it looks sophisticated, so there’s always more of the other drinks. You’re welcome.) I grabbed a beer and slotted myself in with three girls who looked around my age and what I somewhat rudely judged as “normal”. And they were! Maybe everything was going to be okay. When the evening officially began, there must have been at least 25 people present, and as we were paired off according to the colour we wrote our name in (hence all the boob staring), I found myself talking to one of the girls I had stood with originally.

Our first question – the “canapé” – was more complicated than I thought it would be: “How do you know when you’re falling in love?” We quickly decided that love is only something you recognise when it changes, or when you have something to compare it to. Easy, finished, next round please. But then we got chatting seriously, following the theme of the evening, and realised we had a hell of a lot in common – we’d both only been in love once, and both been dumped by our first loves after a long-distance arrangement didn’t work out. “It’s probably something half the people in the world have in common,” we laughed, “but you’d never know without someone telling you to talk about it.”

The next few rounds went pretty much the same. I spoke to another girl about sex and power, and how men often take control; I spoke to a guy about whether men feel as vulnerable as women in the realm of sex and love. It was all going very well, and after one more beer, I was ready to get knee-deep in my emotions. I was paired with a man just a little bit older than me, wearing an “Eat Sleep Rave Repeat” T-shirt and a blue crystal necklace. Not that I was making assumptions about him; I had become a new woman over the past half an hour and we were going to have a serious conversation. “What is the greatest gift you have ever received?” read our card. I knew my answer straightaway and warned him that I was about to sound like a dick, before admitting “my education”. I then began a three-minute monologue about the sacrifices my parents made to make sure I was educated and that I wouldn’t be stood there, in London, as a journalist, without it. “You’re right, you do sound like a dick,” he replied with a smile, and proceeded to tell me about the tickets for the Strictly Come Dancing tour he received for Christmas.

Before telling a room of strangers my deepest, sometimes darkest thoughts about love, I was uncomfortable with the idea of approaching someone to ask for directions, never mind whether they fancied going to the pub for a chat. But that’s exactly what Trigger taught me – my thoughts are valid, and it doesn’t matter whether someone else agrees or not. What matters is the discussion, and the revelations you might have along the way. Whether you’re northern, a millennial or a judgemental bitch doesn’t matter – it's what’s in your head that counts.

I spent the rest of the evening in the pub with the girls I had met at the very beginning of the night, all of us comfortable enough to continue the conversations we’d been having earlier on. We spend our lives curating versions of ourselves that we want to project into the world, and to have a night off from that was freeing and eye-opening. Those two strangers now know more about me than some of my closest friends, and most likely vice versa. I have no idea what they do for a living, though.

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When something goes wrong with our eyebrows — maybe we were a little overzealous with the plucking — we go into panic mode. First, we buy a hat (preferably something that can sit low on the forehead). Then, we shop for the biggest sunglasses known to man (like, paparazzi-blocker big). And finally, we go to Google for solutions to grow back our arches… and quick.

One suggestion that we come across again and again for hair growth is castor oil. The pressed vegetable oil is popular on YouTube and Reddit threads as a way to make your lash and brow hairs multiply at a speedy rate. But scroll too long and you're bound to find a few horror stories, too. So, with two conflicting tales of this plant oil, there remains one important question: Does castor oil actually work for hair growth? We asked the pros, and the answer is an emphatic, “No.”

“There is no scientific or published evidence regarding castor oil and hair growth,” says New York-based dermatologist Doris Day, MD. “Also, it can be occlusive, which can increase hair loss.” So to be clear: Massaging the oil into your eyebrows or swabbing it onto your lashes might actually be clogging up your follicles, creating the opposite effect that you were looking for.

So, how does this explain the multitude of posts from people who have seen accelerated hair growth? “Castor oil contains a high percentage of ricinoleic acid, which is an omega-9 essential fatty acid. This can help as an anti-inflammatory and improve circulation, which may help with hair growth,” says Dr. Day. But while that is one theory, the risk that castor oil will cause irritation is high. Not to mention the fact that putting it around your eyes can result in the oil coating your corneas (not good). If noticeable lash and brow growth is your goal, there are other, legit alternatives. “If people are interested in longer eyelashes, Latisse is really the only proven, effective treatment.” says cosmetic chemist Perry Romanowski.

But before you toss that castor oil bottle in the trash, both Dr. Day and Romanowski say that there are pros to the formula — just not so close to your eyes. Dr. Day recommends it as a pre-shampoo treatment for dry hair. “Use it at night and wash it out in the morning, so the oil doesn't leave the scalp greasy,” she says. And Romanowski says it can smooth the skin, soothe irritation, and make hair feel less dry — but he reiterates, “It won't make the hair grow.”

And if after reading all this, you still say, “Fuck it,” and plan to try castor oil on your brows or lashes, Dr. Day advises extreme caution. “It might be helpful to apply to one brow to see if it works and to check for irritation,” she says. “No point in irritating both brows for no reason.” Good point.

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There’s a reason matte lipstick never slips out of style. With the power to bring a look together effortlessly, it basically tells the world, 'I’ve arrived'.

As classic as it is modern, it’s the texture of a matte lip that really signals a mood, however – and this is where M·A·C Matte Lipsticks come in.

The Classic Matte Lipstick is defined, colour-rich and 'done', while the Powder Kiss Lipstick gives a diffused, lip-hugging wash of colour. And the Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour takes no prisoners with its bold, high impact pigment.

Intrigued? Watch the Short Cuts videos below to inspire your look, and find your perfect M·A·C Matte finish at M·A·C Cosmetics.

Grace Victory wears the Classic Matte Lipstick in 'Velvet Teddy'

Look 1: Defined & Iconic

Grace, a vlogger and presenter, is dubbed 'the internet’s big sister'. If, like Grace, you’re fond of cat-eye sunglasses, a teddy bear coat and bold prints, meet the Classic Matte Lipstick. Precision is the key to getting the perfect finish, so don’t skip liner.

1. Sharpen your M·A·C Lip Pencil (but not to a razor-sharp point. A little softness is okay) and start lining either at the corner of your lip or the Cupid’s bow. Hold the pencil fairly loosely so you’re not tempted to press too hard – holding it closer to the far end will help with your grip.

2. Using gentle strokes, sketch around the whole outline of your lip, and soften as needed with a lip brush or your finger.

3. Apply a generous layer of M·A·C Classic Matte Lipstick to your lips, ensuring it’s even and smooth, and then press your lips together.

4. Blot with a tissue and repeat – this helps improve the lipstick’s longevity – and add more liner to create a more defined look if you like.

Lisa Folawiyo wears the Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour in 'Feels So Grand'

Look 2: Bold & High Impact

Statement pieces are designer Lisa’s style signature, which makes the rich pigment and clean lines of Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour her perfect accessory – and yours, too, if you’re looking for a bold look. A lip primer will help the colour glide on with a comfortable, neat finish.

1. Apply a generous amount of M·A·C Prep + Prime Lip to your lips, applying slightly over the line of your lips to prevent feathering, and leave to dry for a couple of seconds.

2. Once dry and slightly tacky, pick up your chosen Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour. Wipe any excess from the wand in the tube, and glide over your lips.

3. Use the pointed tip to help in areas like the Cupid’s bow and around your lip line – liner isn’t necessary, as the fine point will help you shape and define the lips.

4. Allow to dry for a few seconds.

Elise Platt wears Powder Kiss Lipstick in 'Burning Love'

Look 3: Soft-Focus & Effortless

We can't get enough of model Elise’s film noir style, and the painterly makeup looks she posts on her Instagram. The weightless wear of Powder Kiss Lipstick complements her otherworldly look with its soft, blotted texture.

1. Apply a small amount of M·A·C Lip Scrubtious to the lips and gently massage in with your finger. The oils and sugar crystals will slough off dead skin while hydrating and prepping the lips for colour.

2. Remove any excess with a tissue, and apply Powder Kiss Lipstick straight from the bullet to the lips. Press together, and then blot.

3. Use your fingertip to gently run along the lines of the lips to diffuse the colour even further.

4. Apply more lipstick to the centre of the lips if needed – remembering to blot once again after.

To recreate Grace, Lisa and Elise’s lipstick looks and find your perfect M·A·C Matte, head to M·A·C Cosmetics.

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A former campaign staffer alleged that President Donald Trump kissed her without her consent during the 2016 election cycle and has filed a lawsuit arguing the violation caused her distress, the Washington Post reports. This is the first time Trump has been accused of sexual misconduct since he took office. The White House denies the allegations.

In the lawsuit filed Monday, Alva Johnson alleged that Trump grabbed her hand and tried to kiss her without her consent outside a rally in Tampa, FL on August 2016. Johnson says once she realised what was happening, she turned her face and Trump ended up kissing her on the side of her mouth. “I immediately felt violated because I wasn’t expecting it or wanting it,” she told the Post. “I can still see his lips coming straight for my face.”

Johnson, who first joined the campaign in 2015 as an Alabama organiser, is seeking unspecified damages. The lawsuit also claims that she faced gender and racial-based pay discrimination, earning less than her white, male counterparts. The Trump campaign disputes the allegations.

Johnson said she immediately told several people about the alleged kiss. She kept quiet for weeks, but told the Post that she first thought of coming forward in October 2016 after the infamous Access Hollywood tape, where Trump brags of sexually assaulting women, was made public. In the tape, Trump infamously said: “I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.” He then added: “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.” Johnson said that after hearing his remarks she understood that what had allegedly happened to her was part of a pattern.

The White House denies the incident ever took place, pointing at how two witnesses who Johnson mentions in the lawsuit — campaign official Karen Giorno and then-Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi — have denied seeing the unwanted kiss.

But Johnson said the violation has caused her anguish for nearly three years. “I’ve tried to let it go,” she told the Post. “You want to move on with your life. I don’t sleep. I wake up at four in the morning looking at the news. I feel guilty. The only thing I did was show up for work one day.”

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A post shared by Kate Tonks (@the_novel_nomad) on Sep 23, 2018 at 12:22am PDT

Above the stage where the Reverend Jim Jones addressed over 900 members of the Peoples Temple church for the final time, compelling them to leave behind the conditions of an inhumane world and commit 'revolutionary suicide', there hung a sign reading: “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Attributed to philosopher George Santayana, this quote serves as a warning to human beings not to overestimate our separation from past atrocities, and can be found (in a slightly altered form) inscribed on a plaque at Auschwitz. For many who witnessed the 1978 media coverage of the Jonestown massacre, though, the quote became inseparable from images captured in the aftermath of the tragedy: the vat of cyanide-laced fruit punch, the strewn paper cups and syringes, the bodies left to bloat in the heat of a remote jungle in Guyana.

These are memorable images. Unforgettable, even. But what have we learned from them?

In the spring of 2015, I travelled to the US as research for my novel Beautiful Revolutionary – a work of fiction that was largely inspired by my desire to understand how the Jonestown massacre could have happened. I spent time in California speaking with survivors, and others whose lives were touched by the tragedy through the loss of loved ones. I scrutinised archival documents, photographs and recordings, searching for long-dead people. Before I could begin to understand why they died, it was necessary to understand how they lived and what they believed in.

Peoples Temple didn’t begin in Jonestown, nor did it begin by espousing 'revolutionary suicide'. The church was established in 1950s Indiana and promoted equality (particularly racial equality) and service of one’s fellow human beings as Christian principles. In the 1960s, Peoples Temple relocated to California, where it expanded and redefined itself as a more outwardly socialist, revolutionary organisation. By the late 1970s, Peoples Temple was an active force within San Francisco’s political left. It came under fire following allegations from former members about abusive practices within the church and the declining sanity of leader Jim Jones. This prompted a 1977 mass exodus to Jonestown, the Temple’s agricultural settlement in Guyana.

The people of Peoples Temple weren’t blind to history. If anything, they were more aware of it than most. Records were kept. Sermons and public meetings were regularly taped. One Jonestown schoolteacher, Edith Roller, kept a diary at the encouragement of Jones. Another, Dick Tropp, was apparently working on a book. Listen to the tapes recovered by the FBI after the massacre and you’ll hear references to wars, genocides, enslavements and sieges, from biblical times to the present day. There’s even a tape where Jones mentions contemporaneous cult the Manson family, and discourages members from referring to the Temple as a 'family'.

Then there are the chilling words Jones utters on the 'Jonestown Death Tape', recorded as the people of Jonestown are dying:

“…what a legacy, what a legacy.”

These are the words of a man who wanted to go down in history – and he has, as a mass murderer. This isn’t unjust. Other things, though, have been misremembered or distorted in our eagerness to separate ourselves from the atrocity of what happened in Jonestown, and to convince ourselves that it could never happen to us.

There are a lot of Jim Jones memes on the internet, many of which have to do with 'punchlines' or being thirsty. Humour is a pretty good defence mechanism. So is disassociation.

One meme that’s regularly shared by self-proclaimed atheists and freethinkers features Jim Jones at a pulpit, along with the words: “This Christian killed 911 people and nobody blamed Christianity.” The problem with this? There’s a lot of evidence that Jim Jones was actually an atheist.

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Born on this day in 1945: Carolyn Moore Layton (left) – the real-life inspiration for Beautiful Revolutionary’s protagonist, Evelyn. ? by the Moore family, taken in Jonestown in the May of 1978. . . . . . . . #BeautifulRevolutionary #CarolynLayton #PeoplesTemple #Jonestown

A post shared by Laura Elizabeth Woollett (@lauraelizabethwoollett) on Jul 12, 2018 at 3:25pm PDT

Sure, he was a reverend. He performed faith healings, sometimes wore clerical robes, sometimes quoted the bible. But he also regularly declaimed 'sky gods', was witnessed throwing the bible on the ground and was said to have encouraged his followers to use its pages as toilet paper. On one tape, Jones confesses to infiltrating the church as a way of better spreading the message of Marxism.

Although many members of Peoples Temple were Christians, many (particularly those in leadership positions) were not. They were a diverse group. Neither Christianity nor Marxism nor any other belief system alone was responsible for the massacre, or can be blamed for all the massacres of the past. Power, and the abuse of power, comes in many different cloaks.

Which leaves us with something messier than a single belief system: people.

I don’t just mean Jim Jones. I mean the people who obeyed his orders – and in some cases, implemented them. They weren’t merely brainwashed cultists or bodies standing in line. They were people, who left behind voice recordings, diary entries, letters and memos, through which aspects of their individual histories can be discerned.

There are many reasons why a person might join a movement like Peoples Temple. We join because we want to be part of something. Because we’re dissatisfied with the world around us and want to change it. Because we want a better life. Because we want to believe in something, anything. Because we’re lonely. Because we’re hungry. Because we’re in love. Because the people are friendly. Because it seems like a cool place.

The reasons why people stay are also recognisable; the same reasons we might stay in bad jobs or bad relationships. Inertia. Financial dependence. Peer pressure. Cynicism about whether we have better options. Fear of retaliation from those we’re leaving. Fear of what we’ll lose, in leaving them behind. The hope that things will get better if we just work hard enough, put up with the bad stuff a bit longer.

It’s hard to know when is the right time to leave. It’s also hard to know if history will repeat itself when we’re in the midst of it. If there’s one thing Jonestown can teach us, though, it’s that we all have vulnerabilities that can be exploited by the wrong kind of person. Vulnerability is human. There’s no strength in denying this. The best thing we can do is remember.

Beautiful Revolutionary by Laura Elizabeth Woollett is out now, published by Scribe UK.

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You've heard of paleo, you've heard of veganism – now, put your hands together and what have you got? The 'pegan' diet.

The pegan diet has spiked people's interest a couple of times over the past few years but with the rise in vegan diets (free Beyoncé tickets for life? Yes please) it's been of huge interest to those who completed Veganuary.

So what is it? Well, the first half – the paleo diet – has been knocking about since 1985 but really came to prominence in 2013, when it became the most searched-for weight-loss diet on Google. It was adopted in some form by everyone from Blake Lively to Kanye West to, um, Jeb Bush.

You may also have heard paleo called the 'caveman diet' because it's supposed to emulate what our early ancestors would have eaten – you know, before Wagamama and Nando's were around.

The diet (which has been modified and adapted in countless ways for hundreds of different purposes) was originally supposed to see your daily calorie intake consist of 55% seafood and lean meat and 15% each of fruits, vegetables, and nuts and seeds. You eliminate sugar, grain, cereal, dairy and legumes, as well as processed foods.

Veganism, you've heard a lot about recently. It involves abstaining from animal products and is very popular right now because of a) people hoping to have less of an impact on Mother Earth, b) the aforementioned Beyoncé, and c) people hoping it's the answer to a healthy diet.

We spoke to Kajsa Ernestam, a registered dietician who works at Lifesum, the healthy living app, to find out how the pegan diet works and whether it's something you should consider.

How good is the paleo diet for our health really?

[It is] a diet that is low on starch and refined carbohydrates, which studies have found can be good for your blood sugar, as it makes blood levels more even.

A recent article also found that the paleo diet was linked to helping manage type 2 diabetes. If you do have type 2 diabetes, though, and are considering the paleo diet, then make sure that you consult a medical expert first.

But if you do exclude something like dairy or grains from your diet, then you need to replace it with something nutritionally equivalent so that you do not miss out on any important foundations of a healthy diet.

What about going vegan?

Studies have found a link between following a vegan diet and health benefits. It is important, though, that you have an understanding of how to eat a plant-based diet that will provide you with the right levels of macronutrients – protein, carbohydrates and fats. A vegan diet will also be low on micronutrients, such as B12, which comes from animal products, so make sure that you take supplements if needed.

So what are some things you need to think about?

It is essential that you find protein alternatives, as this is one of the essential parts of your diet. Protein is responsible for promoting cell growth and repair, and you should ideally get some protein with every meal. Some good vegan alternatives for protein include soy, quinoa, beans, pulses and lentils.

In addition to protein, you will need to think about your calcium intake – the NHS recommends that an adult consumes 1,000 mg of calcium a day. You can get it from calcium-rich foods such as kale, almonds and figs. Also make sure that you eat enough iron and zinc. Iron is key to red blood cells and the second is responsible for cell division. The problem with plant-based diets is that zinc and iron aren’t as easily absorbed by the body as they would be if they came from animal produce, which is why the recommended daily intake of iron for vegetarians is almost double to that of a meat-eater. Because of this, make sure that your diet is filled with legumes, soy products, seeds, nuts and leafy greens. If you are starting a vegan lifestyle, then it is important that you speak to a medical professional and do your research beforehand. Otherwise, it can lead to nutritional deficiencies and low energy levels.

So how do these come together to create the pegan diet?

[It] combines the paleo belief that processed food and products stemming from modern agriculture are harmful and not the best way to fuel our bodies, with an emphasis on fruits and vegetables. The name can be a bit misleading: the pegan diet actually does not eliminate meats, but rather puts emphasis on the fruit and vegetable element of the diet.

Mark Hyman, the author and medical expert behind the pegan diet, recommends that you eat foods that keep the blood levels stable, by putting emphasis on omega-3 fats from, for example, nuts, avocado and olive oil, as well as some sustainably raised animals. Vegetables and fruit should also make up 75% of daily dietary intake. In my opinion, the reason that the diet is so attractive is because it helps people that want to cut down on their meat consumption while increasing their intake of fibre. It is also a more environmentally friendly approach to food, focusing on sustainably sourced food and drink.

Are there any risks with the pegan diet?

Hyman recommends that you do not consume any dairy products, beans or grains. He believes that dairy contributes to obesity, diabetes and the risk of osteoporosis. He also found that all grains can increase your blood sugar, create digestive problems. Finally, beans, in his opinion, can cause digestive problems and should, therefore, be avoided.

In my opinion, you should eat a balanced, varied and healthy diet. This does not necessarily mean that you have to include these items in your diet, but if you do decide to limit your intake of dairy, grains and beans, then make sure you replace it with something that still contributes the nutrients you have excluded.

Can supplements help replace what you have cut out?

The pegan diet does recommend that you eat sustainable meat and eggs on a weekly basis. However, you might find that you still need more B12, which is typically found in animal foods. A B12 deficiency can lead to a number of side-effects, such as tiredness, weakness and even depression. Make sure to eat foods that are fortified with B12, or consult a doctor before taking any supplements.

What are some other pitfalls to watch out for?

When you find the foods that you can eat and that you enjoy, it can be easy to fall into a routine where you just eat the same foods all the time. However, remember that the same foods might not meet your nutritional requirements, causing you to become deficient in certain minerals and vitamins over time. Make sure that your diet is varied so that you get enough protein, B12, iron, calcium and vitamin D as a basis and work around this.

Any last-minute advice?

If you are new to veganism, make sure that you don’t rush your transition from your existing diet to a vegan one. Not only can it be difficult to get your head around all the things that you can and can’t eat, but your body will also need to adjust. Start by adding more plant-based foods into your diet, while also reducing the amount of animal products you eat. While a vegan diet can have a number of health benefits, it won’t guarantee that you will never fall ill, experience health problems, or lose weight and keep it off.

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There’s a new type of dating show in town. Forget Take Me Out and First Dates – we’ve had enough of mercilessly shoving total strangers together, covering our eyes at cringey dinners for two, and shrieking through the screen at badly matched blind dates. Instead, these new programmes bring up an all too familiar conundrum for singles. Are our exes really exes for a reason?

Back with the Ex on Netflix and Eating with my Ex on BBC Three seem to think not. They’ve gone so far as bringing past partners back together to test whether a reunion might be on the table.

Back with the Ex goes in all guns blazing, moving former flings separated for up to 20 years into each other’s homes. Eating with my Ex gives its past paramours an easier get-out, reuniting them for just one meal and throwing some awkward questions into the mix. Big blow-outs and tears in various British high street restaurant chains ensue. It’s enough to have you asking for the bill.

Like any good dating show devotee, I was hooked on both series from the opening credits. The drama! The backstories! The bit when lovely Lauren revealed that evil Erik gave her $10,000 to try to convince her to get a boob job! I rooted for the couples whom time and distance had torn apart, and rolled my eyes at those who had enjoyed little more than a month-long shagathon before staging a drunken break-up in a seedy nightclub. These couples were real, with a genuine joint past and often a whole life together that had taken place long before the cameras started rolling. There was something immensely powerful about that.

Inevitably these shows also caused my mind to meander over details of my past relationships. Which of my exes would I want to grill over a Gourmet Burger Kitchen milkshake for two? Would I succumb to the charms of a lapsed cuffing season sweetheart if we were whisked away on a romantic safari, or would I be packing my bags faster than you can say “No, you were the worst at texting back!”?

Although it would realistically take more than a dating show to convince me to reunite with any of my exes, it seems that I’m not alone in dwelling on my dating history. One survey showed that almost half of online daters have had a partner beg for them back after a break-up. What is it about our bygone baes that keeps us coming back for more?

“Relationship endings generate really fundamental questions about ourselves, what it is about ourselves that is rejectable, that can’t love or that cannot be loved,” says psychotherapist Denise Dunne. “The fantasy of reuniting with an ex is that we will have access to the answers or, even better, we can undo the questions by making ourselves loved again.”

The rise of social media means these questions can stay at the forefront of our mind long after a break-up. Perhaps you’ve stayed Facebook friends with a former flame or maybe you need to do a spot of furtive Instagram stalking to find out what your past romantic prospects are up to. Either way, our exes are always just a click away and it can be difficult to move on if your digital paths are constantly crossing.

“Social media can without doubt make working through a break-up much harder,” says Dunne. “In the offline world [seeing what an ex is up to is a] logistically more difficult if not dubious pursuit, but in the online world of acceptable cyberstalking, it can be really tempting, seemingly harmless, and maybe even at times unavoidable to have a look at their pictures.”

If the lure of bae’s beach snaps wasn’t enough, then there’s an even more compelling reason to send a sneaky late-night “WYD?” text.

“The current dating landscape has so many options,” says relationship and technology expert Michelle Drouin. “You can swipe through hundreds of potential dating partners in minutes. But having too many options can be overwhelming, and people also may have doubts about the authenticity of the strangers they meet online. With an ex, you know what you are going to get. It's familiar territory, and you don't have to fear that the person showing up to meet you is entirely different than their online profile.”

With a rising number of singletons feeling burnt out by modern dating, the familiar rhythms of a past relationship may have a shiny new appeal. And it’s hardly surprising – one study into dating app Hinge found that 81% of users had never found a long-term relationship on an app, 54% of users felt lonely after a swiping session, and only one in 500 swipes led to phone numbers being exchanged. That’s a lot of time engaging in the same old Tinder small talk for very little return.

“The back and forth messages about the same subjects – 'Hey, how are things?' or 'Tell me where you see yourself in five years' – may feel like a never-ending merry-go-round of small talk and superficiality,” explains Drouin. “Sometimes, people want to feel safe, cared for, and engaged in deeper conversations. Exes provide that kind of stability. You know them – you can skip the small talk and slide right back into a comfortable place of intimacy.”

“In our consulting rooms, clients complain that quite quickly online dates can feel like the same conversation on repeat, and they can get bored and frustrated by the lack of chemistry,” agrees Dunne. “Together with our natural propensity to idealise a former relationship when we are feeling lonely, you can see how it’s possible that the online dating experience and our desire for intimate attachment might steer us back to seeking the arms of an ex.”

When the exes of Back With the Ex and Eating With My Ex sit down to confront their past, there is almost always an undeniable authenticity and connection. In a world where real intimacy is increasingly hard to come by, it seems that seeing this on screen has viewers hooked.

So if you’ve had one soulless swipe session too many, and the idea of exes reuniting has you reaching for the remote, then just one question remains: Should you ever get back with an ex?

“Sometimes people break up over silly issues, and sometimes time heals wounds,” says Drouin. “However, if you really believe in the reasons you split, and you know that this person is not really the one for you, don't be tempted by the easy intimacy. Get back out there, and find someone you don't ever want to break up with.”

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You may have been intrigued by the small pop of erotica on an acquaintance’s otherwise unassuming white tee, terribly impressed but too shy to vocalise your admiration; or perhaps your 'ORGASM' scarf is the pride and joy of your wardrobe – you wore it out just yesterday, in fact, with a Christopher Kane 'More Joy' T-shirt and a PVC miniskirt. More likely though, your relationship with Carne Bollente, the 5-year-old French label anchored in sex positivity, is through social media.

“It started as a stupid joke,” explain the founding trio, Hijiri Endo, Théodore Famery and Agoston Palinko. The name, which translates from the Italian as 'boiled meat' – simultaneously sexy and funny, they say – is a reference to the legendary porn movie The Rise of the Roman Empress (Carne Bollente is the film's original title). “We were looking for a name that could embody our sexual appetite, and this was stupid enough. Also our idol Cicciolina is the lead actress in the movie, and she embodies for us a positive and uninhibited vision of sexuality.”

Beyond its Insta- and millennial-friendly aesthetics, a sex positive attitude is at the heart of Carne Bollente. “The subject is often seen as taboo or even negative, but we believe that talking about sex and sexuality should be more open and free. We think this is our job, to offer a simpler and more positive vision of clichés, archetypes and ideas of sex.” As they explain over email: “Sex really is a huge subject and we are aware that there are still new ways and means of expression to explore. Also, sex and humour are rarely topics seen together; it's a shame and that's why we try to laugh about sex too.”

Focusing initially on T-shirts – “the most universal garment and one of the best media for starting in fashion” – the founders joke that they “got cold” and expanded the label’s offering to include hoodies, jackets and accessories. Moreover, what began as a bit of fun has evolved into something more significant; this Pride post illustrates how the brand's garments can inspire meaningful conversation. “When we saw this, we were so touched, discovering we could make a great impact. Instagram is amazing for this, communicating to our fans directly.”

For Endo, the business has most recently veered towards the personal, with his extended family modelling SS19 pieces for a project with Japanese site, Girl Houyhnhnm. “They actually love what we do!” he clarifies, when asked what his parents think of the label's designs. “At the beginning they didn’t take it seriously, thought it was a silly little project. Since we’ve been represented at famous stores, they started to feel a bit…proud? Especially when we collaborated with Undercover, my older brother and cousins were super excited. But I don’t think my 93-year-old grandma understands our illustrations.”

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Last week, R. Kelly (whose given name is Robert Kelly) was charged with 10 counts of aggravated sexual abuse. For many survivors of Kelly’s alleged crimes, justice was a long time coming. In a new New York Times op-ed, a woman who spoke out in the Lifetime documentary series Surviving R. Kelly (aired in the US recently) shared just how long.

Lisa VanAllen was one of the women who appeared in the sex tape that was a key piece of evidence during Kelly’s 2008 trial. VanAllen was 17 when the group sex tape was filmed; the other person in the video was allegedly his 14-year-old goddaughter.

Ultimately, Kelly was acquitted on all charges when the second woman refused to testify.

VanAllen, who did testify, said that in addition to the trauma from the abuse she suffered she was also put through the wringer by people who called her character into question.

“Taking the stand was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life. I was barraged with questions for three hours, so much so I almost forgot who was on trial,” VanAllen wrote. “I was belittled and embarrassed. I was dragged for bad things I had done in my past. I was called a 'streetwalker.' They wanted me to feel like trash.”

Things did not improve after she left the stand; afterward, VanAllen said she was called “a liar, an extortionist, and the girl who had the threesome” by the public and the media.

Lifetime's documentary series helped get the voices of these survivors to the public. However, it's worth noting that it likely would not exist without Tarana Burke spearheading the #MeToo movement, and allowing women to finally feel free to talk about their experiences with sexual misconduct. It's worth noting that Black women, specifically, have historically not been believed when they come forward to share their own sexual abuse stories.

VanAllen's hopes that Kelly does not walk away from this trial a free man — again. “If convicted, [Kelly] could face up to 70 years in prison,” she wrote. “More than 10 years after I nervously faced Rob in court, I know one thing: This will not end the way it did before. It cannot.”

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Wet wipes have become a modern convenience – a festival essential, a staple for new parents and a regular fixture in many people's beauty routine, but they're terrible for the environment – 93% of all blockages in UK sewers are caused by wet wipes wrongly deemed “flushable”, according to Water UK.

So, wet wipes that are truly environmentally friendly have been a long time coming – and next month shoppers will finally be able to buy the first “fine to flush” wet wipes. Organic brand Natracare is launching tissue wipes that can be flushed down the loo without contributing to the UK's fatberg problem, the Guardian reports.

The wipes, which are both plastic-free and compostable, will be sold in Waitrose, Ocado and independent health shops.

Currently, many wipes sold as “flushable” in the UK don't break down quickly in the sewer system – some contain plastic or wood pulp despite carrying a “flushable” label, which is based on standards laid out by the European industry body Edana. “You’ll see on the supermarket shelves many types of wipe claim to be 'flushable',” Natracare says on its website, adding that – importantly – “water authorities don’t agree with these claims. The wipes might disappear from your sight but sadly they don’t break down, causing blockages that are costing UK taxpayers £100 million a year!”

However, the new “fine to flush” symbol, which was announced last month, is more rigorous, according to Water UK, which represents the country's water and sewerage companies. Water UK says its logo is more credible than Edana's existing standard because it can only appear on wipes that don't contain plastic – meaning they will break down and won't cause blockages.

Water UK's new symbol is considered a major boon to the fight against fatbergs, the congealed masses of fat, personal hygiene products and nappies that have been flushed down UK toilets. “We’ve all seen the impact of fatbergs, and we want to see fewer of them,” said Michael Roberts, the chief executive of Water UK, referring to environmental damage including blockages and even flooding.

“Improving the environment is at the core of what the water industry does, and the new 'fine to flush' standard that we’ve created will make it easier for consumers to buy an environmentally friendly product instead of one which clogs up drains and sewers.” Here's hoping more beauty brands follow suit soon.

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Emma Thompson has shared with the Los Angeles Times a letter she wrote to Skydance Animation's management in regards to her decision to step away from Luck after John Lasseter's hiring:

“As you know, I have pulled out of the production of Luck — to be directed by the very wonderful Alessandro Carloni,” the letter began. “It feels very odd to me that you and your company would consider hiring someone with Mr. Lasseter’s pattern of misconduct given the present climate in which people with the kind of power that you have can reasonably be expected to step up to the plate.”

Thompson went on to cite a number of reasons for her departure:

“If a man has been touching women inappropriately for decades, why would a woman want to work for him if the only reason he’s not touching them inappropriately now is that it says in his contract that he must behave “professionally”?

If a man has made women at his companies feel undervalued and disrespected for decades, why should the women at his new company think that any respect he shows them is anything other than an act that he’s required to perform by his coach, his therapist and his employment agreement? The message seems to be, “I am learning to feel respect for women so please be patient while I work on it. It’s not easy.”

Much has been said about giving John Lasseter a “second chance.” But he is presumably being paid millions of dollars to receive that second chance. How much money are the employees at Skydance being paid to GIVE him that second chance?

If John Lasseter started his own company, then every employee would have been given the opportunity to choose whether or not to give him a second chance. But any Skydance employees who don't want to give him a second chance have to stay and be uncomfortable or lose their jobs. Shouldn’t it be John Lasseter who has to lose HIS job if the employees don’t want to give him a second chance?

Skydance has revealed that no women received settlements from Pixar or Disney as a result of being harassed by John Lasseter. But given all the abuse that’s been heaped on women who have come forward to make accusations against powerful men, do we really think that no settlements means that there was no harassment or no hostile work environment? Are we supposed to feel comforted that women who feel that their careers were derailed by working for Lasseter DIDN’T receive money?”

Read Thompson's full letter here.

Original story published below on February 19.

Back in January, former Pixar and Walt Disney Animation Studios chief creative officer John Lasseter was hired to run Skydance Media despite his 2017 Pixar exit due to accusations of inappropriate behaviour. Now, actress Emma Thompson is dropping out of Skydance Animation film Luck in protest of Lasseter's hire.

A rep for Thompson did not have additional comment, but confirmed Variety's report that Thompson dropped out in January after doing some early voice recording. According to The Wrap, the film is an animated comedy about good luck and bad luck, with Thompson voicing the head of the “good luck organisation.” Thompson's casting had never been officially announced. Luck is directed by Alessandro Carloni and expected out in 2021.

When Lasseter left Pixar in November 2017 — in a move that was supposed to be temporary — he sent a memo to employees that was published by The Hollywood Reporter:

“It’s been brought to my attention that I have made some of you feel disrespected or uncomfortable. That was never my intent. Collectively, you mean the world to me, and I deeply apologise if I have let you down. I especially want to apologise to anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of an unwanted hug or any other gesture they felt crossed the line in any way, shape, or form. No matter how benign my intent, everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and have them respected.”

Over a year later, CEO of Skydance Media David Ellison released a statement on Lasseter's hiring, telling Deadline, “John has acknowledged and apologised for his mistakes and, during the past year away from the workplace, has endeavoured to address and reform them.”

As for the rest of the cast, voice actors have not been officially announced, so it's unknown if Thompson's decision will have any sort of larger ripple effect.

Skydance Animation did not immediately return Refinery29's request for comment.

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Long before she was an adviser to the President of the United States, Ivanka Trump was just your average teenage daughter of a billionaire, attending an elite East Coast boarding school. Although the Trumps are not necessarily known for their modest taste, a teenaged Ivanka actually seemed pretty normal, as depicted in a feature in Seventeen magazine from more than 20 years ago.

In the late nineties, conspicuous consumption wasn’t really a thing for the teenagers in the largely white suburban enclaves of New England. We walked on the backs of our oversized corduroy pants, chewing up the hems and if you were lucky enough to have a Patagonia fleece vest, it wasn’t unusual for it to be puckered here and there with cigarette burns. We probably thought we didn’t “care” about the way things looked, but really we didn’t understand the value of our clothing. Most had never gone without — without food, without security, without a steady supply of mail order fashion from J Crew, and LL Bean and everywhere else I was sure “rich kids” got regular delivery from.

View this post on Instagram

Imagine the stories Ivanka’s roommate Alice Hopkins could tell. Seventeen, 1998.

A post shared by Not Atoosa (@thankyouatoosa) on Jan 24, 2019 at 5:40am PST

And at Choate, I’m told, Ivanka was not much different. Boarding school in a small Connecticut town meant a carefully cultivated uniform of low-key but high end sweatpants, wool cardigans, and hiking boots. To be flashy would have been to expose yourself as different, and different was the very last thing any of the Choate students wanted to be. This was a place Ivanka could fit in. There were scholarship students for sure, but most everyone was wealthy and a lot of kids were VERY wealthy (Carl Icahn’s daughter was there the same time as Ivanka) and flaunting that would be tacky. Better to dress like at any moment you might be spending a few hours in the parking lot of a Dave Matthews concert or as if you were on your way from Spanish class to lacrosse practice (which you were).

The January 1998 piece, first reposted by the Instagram account @thankyouatoosa, run by Casey Lewis, profiles a 16-year-old Ivanka in her dorm room at Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut, which she shared with two other girls. “Some people might be surprised I'm a normal teenager,” Ivanka, who is pictured striking a very '90s cool-girl pose on a small wooden chair, told the magazine. The 15-by-11 feet room is normal: Her wall is adorned with string lights, photographs of friends and family, and a poster of Marilyn Monroe's iconic skirt-flying-up photo. “There's a lot of random themes from movies,” she said. There's a black-and-white Robert Doisneau poster, which she purchased on the street in France, above her bed.

Still, according to a classmate, while Ivanka’s clothes were mostly fleece and flannel, there were things about her that stood out. Ivanka had one of the original black, box-shaped Prada bags that would serve as an inspiration for Kate Spade and become so ubiquitous. Ivanka was nice. She had plenty of friends. She was a regular teenager, but still it seemed she believed she was exceptional. As in, an exception to the rules. She had a cell phone at a time when only movie stars had cell phones. And she had a car on campus, something literally no other student had. She and her parents had apparently argued that it was necessary for her to have the car because in addition to being a student at Choate, Ivanka also had a modeling career.

Sometimes she would argue with her dad on the cell phone. He wanted her to go to Wharton, as he did. She wanted to go to Georgetown to be with her boyfriend. In the end, Ivanka would spend a year at Georgetown before transferring to her father’s alma mater. Also — in what was surely a source of soul crushing embarrassment to teenage Ivanka — her father showed up to graduation in limo, greeting other students and parents as if any of them actually cared that he was Donald Trump, which meant something very different than what it does now.

It’s an interesting note that one of the most prominent photos adorning the walls is one of an 11-year-old Ivanka and her dad, President Donald Trump. He has his arms protectively on her shoulders as they both look off in the same direction. “That was the first night I met my agent,” Ivanka, who at the time was a part-time model, said of the photo. “She asked me to stop by the agency in a few years.” There's a mirror hanging on the wall, which Ivanka noted she has to “crouch” to see her face in since she's so tall.

And she made other concessions to her modelling career and her exceptionalism. Once after a holiday break, she returned to campus with a bruised and swollen face. For a week she wore her hair covering her face and told everyone she'd had her wisdom teeth removed. Whether this is a clue that Ivanka got cosmetic surgery in high school or she just had some severely impacted wisdom teeth is anyone’s guess, but the former would not be unusual for a rich prep school teen in the 90s — especially an exceptional one with a modelling career.

Although the room seems no different than that of any American teenage girl at the time, one can glean some insights into future Ivanka. Ivanka's image, much like a magazine spread, is perfectly curated. She grew up with unimaginable wealth, but her public persona (like her dorm) is that of a person who is almost implausibly down-to-earth. She wears immaculate designer clothes, but is never gaudy. She speaks with authority, but maintains a soft tone. She's an adviser to one of the most powerful — and divisive — men in the world, but still wants to be seen as relatable.

Ivanka, who grew up shuttling between multiple luxury residences, told Seventeen her unassuming dorm, with its austere furniture and plain, white walls, “probably expresses me best.” It was a blank canvas, away from a demanding Dad, but in it she created a place where she blended seamlessly with the rest of the student body.

She added: “It's an atmosphere I created.” But, it's more of a vacuum.

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Demna Gvasalia, the designer behind both Balenciaga and his own label, Vetements, has a lot on his mind. In a wide-ranging interview with WWD, the man who popularised the 'ugly sneaker' discusses the ongoing challenge of appropriation —and how he’s been a victim of it, too.

“It’s a big word everyone is throwing around left and right, but nobody really knows where it actually comes from and why. And that it’s not Demna who started this,” Gvaslia tells WWD, just ahead of Balenciaga's show in Paris. After the designer sent his take on Ikea's infamous blue shopping bag and airbrushed hoodies down the runway at Balenciaga, Gvasalia's inspirations have been called into question.

Whether at Balenciaga or Vetements, Gvasalia has been criticised for charging luxury prices for anti-luxury goods; as Business of Fashion put it, Gvasalia sells “working class brands and motifs to […] rich consumers.” The designer acknowledges that he borrows and/or references obvious pieces of popular culture — but that it's a practice that began with French artist Marcel Duchamp, if not before. “I have discovered Duchamp by discovering myself in a way as [a] designer, because it explains to me how I work,” he said.

He also points out that Cristóbal Balenciaga himself recreated everyday ideas and motifs for haute couture. “It was a uniform of the poor that he turned into an icon for the brand,” Gvasalia said of the Vareuse, a loose shirt fishermen in Spanish villages wore, which Balenciaga transformed into short dresses for the runway. “I just wanted to point out that appropriation didn’t start as a concept in fashion with me,” Gvasalia explains. “I’ve just maybe modernised it in a way that’s understandable for my generation of consumers who I talk to. Because we grew up with the same values, the same interests, and I would call this the first Internet generation.”

Gvasalia says that his work has been appropriated, too; see all the imitations of the chunky Balenciaga Triple S after it came out in September 2017. He doesn't consider those shoes, by the way, to be 'ugly.' “It was really absolutely a proportional exercise of footwear, and not any kind of a gimmicky play with what was ugly or not ugly in shoe design…I’m not part of this ugly fashion. I never liked ugly stuff really.”

He adds of the divisive, now-ubiquitous sneaker: “I hate to see small feet visually. A lot of guys don’t like to have small feet,” he said. “To me, large shoes are more stable, and more masculine. Also, I believe when you create a new silhouette, the product succeeds.”

Yeah, like those Balenciaga boots, you know the ones that look like socks.

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LA-based label Staud has garnered cult status since it was founded back in 2015 by the hugely influential Sarah Staudinger (who cut her teeth at Reformation) and George Augusto. Whether you know it or not, we'll bet your style choices are being inspired by the brand's aesthetic, all statement-making architectural bag shapes and kitsch ready-to-wear line.

Its Shirley PVC mini tote, Moreau macramé bucket and rotund Bisset bag have been imitated by a slew of high street retailers and seen on the arm of every editor and influencer worth their salt, not to mention the brand's 197k Instagram followers (and counting).

To our delight, for SS19 the brand is introducing its debut footwear line, launching exclusively on Staud and Net-A-Porter. For those squealing with glee at the return of the '00s aesthetic – brimming with homages to Carrie Bradshaw's SATC wardrobe – Staud's inaugural collection is pure nostalgia-tinged heaven: think wedged mules, strappy French heels and thong sandals in a slew of shades and textures.

“We wanted to offer versatility and bang for your buck when it comes to shoes that make a statement for every day,” says Staudinger. “Nothing is too high, everything is comfortable, practical and you can dress it up or down. That’s a huge part of our brand identity across the board, with bags and ready-to-wear – and now shoes.”

Like its contemporaries Rixo, Ganni and Cult Gaia, Staud has captured the hearts of sartorially switched-on women everywhere due to its cutting-edge design and affordable price point. Gone are the days when you had to save a month's rent in order to carry the bag of the moment; now, our favourite accessories start at £160 and see you through every event of the season.

Starting at £175, Staud's footwear offering has us dreaming of warm city nights and seaside breaks; we'll be wearing ours with cropped fine-ribbed cardigans, silk camisole dresses and, naturally, the brand's croc-effect Alice and Sadie totes. Race you to the checkout.

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After meeting my partner Daniel, we rented a one-bedroom flat which was perfectly located in the middle of rapidly gentrifying Dalston. It was affordable, even on our comparatively low salaries at the time: I was working as an assistant fashion designer and Daniel was retraining as a carpenter after previously cutting suits on Savile Row. We moved after four years, when I relocated to Paris for work. When we returned to London a couple of years later, we discovered that property prices and rental costs in south Hackney had gone through the roof.

We became determined to try to buy our own place as we knew that monthly mortgage repayments would be lower than rent, and we figured that with Daniel’s technical skills and our hands-on approach we could find an inexpensive flat and renovate it affordably, increasing the value of the property while creating a truly personal space we would love to live in.

Over the following 12 months we camped out around London with accommodating family and friends, paying mates' rates rent and saving up. Over the year we lived in a friend’s storage unit, the basement of my stepsister’s doer-upper, and a makeshift camper van built from reclaimed doors, parked down a Dalston alleyway; we were living out of backpacks.

Daniel’s parents kindly lent us money towards our deposit, without which we would never have been able to buy. We had a maximum budget of £300,000 but we also knew that if we did max it out we’d have no cash left to renovate, so we ideally needed to find a property substantially cheaper.

We were also dead set on the idea of renovating an ex-council flat. My sister was living as a property guardian in council blocks around east London that were awaiting demolition. She moved on every few months as the blocks were knocked down, and whenever we visited her we couldn’t believe how spacious and airy they were compared with new-build flats. Ceilings were higher, rooms and windows were larger, the materials and construction techniques used were solid and high quality. We loved that the unfussy aesthetics and mid-century heritage of these flats could provide a blank canvas for our ideas.

Initially we imagined ourselves living high up in a brutalist concrete tower block but were quickly overruled by estate agents who explained that mortgage providers won’t normally lend on properties over seven storeys high – high-rise flats are generally only available to cash buyers.

Most estate agents also told us that despite seeking an ex-council flat in need of modernisation, we were more than priced out of Hackney and they had nothing for us to see. We viewed several properties around Walthamstow, but we really missed the idea of being able to walk or easily cycle to work, which we both agreed was high up on our priority list and integral to the quality of life we were looking for. We also wanted to live as near as possible to an expanse of green space, as we both love spending time outdoors and were planning to get a dog.

When I first moved to east London a decade earlier, Clapton was still a little rough and ready. However, over time, as we visited and house-sat for friends living in flats and boats around the River Lea, we began to fall for the area. We adored the barely occupied wilderness of the river and marshes, stretching endlessly northwards out of London, as well as the intermingling of orthodox Jewish, Caribbean and Turkish residents, hanging out in Springfield Park alongside committed boat-dwellers from the marina.

When we spotted an ex-council flat on sale in Upper Clapton for a starting price of £250,000, we leapt at the chance to view it. The leaseholder had been renting out the property for several years and now needed to sell quickly. For this reason, the flat was selling via sealed bids. We initially won with a bid of £272,000 – we’d gone in fairly high as we knew the place was right for us and didn’t want to lose out. We later succeeded in negotiating down to £267,000, following a valuation from the bank.

Besides the location, we were attracted to the flat’s original features – large, wooden-framed windows and red-brick internal walls – and immediately saw the potential to remodel the layout and create an open, modern living space. Although the flat was technically one-bedroom, at 55 square metres it was equal in size to a two-bed starter flat in a new-build development. And although not the high-rise we’d originally had in mind, the third floor elevation gave us views across the city, even as far as the London Eye.

The renovation process took much longer than we thought and was painful at times. Firstly, there was bureaucracy to deal with: we had to apply for permission from the freeholder before making major changes. There were also some aspects where it was important to hire certified professionals for insurance purposes, for example the boiler replacement and electrics. After moving in, it took six long months of administration and organisation before we had the right paperwork in place to get started.

Aside from the boiler and electrics we elected to do as much work as possible ourselves in order to save money and avoid compromising on our ideas. Although this made our renovation journey much longer and more difficult, it also enabled us to explore plenty of exciting and unusual design and construction techniques, and execute everything exactly as we wanted. We both acquired tons of new skills and knowledge along the way. It’s probably worth pointing out that Daniel, as a registered tradesperson, has public liability insurance, without which we would not have felt as confident taking on as much as we did.

We both worked on the renovation alongside full-time jobs, sacrificing most of our weekends and holidays. Despite our efforts the process seemed achingly slow and there were moments when it felt like a massive weight on our shoulders. We watched enviously as friends got builders in and were WhatsApping photos of their gorgeous finished flats in a matter of weeks. However every small achievement made our space a little more special and more liveable, which gave us the encouragement we needed to carry on.

Room by room we reduced the flat to a shell – removing the entire original heating system and most of the electrics, as well as the bathroom, kitchen and flooring. We demolished the non-structural walls of the hallway and utility room to create an open kitchen/living space, and levelled the floor. We lived in the flat throughout the yearlong process, escaping only once for a fortnight’s house-sitting, which I remember as a huge relief. It was incredibly difficult at times, living without the basic facilities for washing, cooking – even for going to the toilet. I showered at work for a month and we spent an hour or two every week at the laundrette. As if it weren’t testing enough, my sister moved in partway through to camp out with us in our building site.

Eighteen months after moving in, we’d finally created a liveable environment with a functioning bathroom and kitchen; it took us a further year to install central heating. Although the major work is now wrapped up, three years down the line, we still have some way to go before we’ll feel satisfied that the flat is finished.

We've aimed to use natural and, wherever possible, reclaimed materials to renovate the flat. This isn’t the cheapest or easiest option, however the money saved through doing the labour ourselves compensated for the material cost of reclaimed granite floor tiles and oak parquet blocks. We’ve invested time and elbow grease in restoring the flat’s original features, scraping layers of paint from wooden window frames and brick walls to make the most of the materials already present in the property.

I’m most proud of our kitchen, which is based around a reclaimed stainless steel restaurant sink with a huge draining board. Daniel made solid wooden cupboard doors to fit beneath the steel commercial units. We matched these with a steel Indian kitchen rack and hand-fired Mexican tiles, so there’s a repeated contrast between industrial and rustic materials.

Our flooring is also pretty special. We’ve left the parquet blocks un-sanded for now and they are charmingly mismatched – we can decide whether to sand and oil them at some point in the future. In the kitchen area and the bathroom, the oak parquet gives way to 1950s multicoloured terrazzo tiles.

In the bathroom we designed a long, narrow walk-in shower to fit the small space. Constructing this together was the ultimate test of our relationship – we fired plenty of foul language at each other while trying to slot a gigantic pane of glass into a floor-to-ceiling wooden pillar.

Because of the minimal interior structure of the flat, we’ve also chosen to expose sections of plumbing and electrics using copper pipes and steel conduit, which looks great and makes construction more straightforward. We’ve stripped and re-enamelled the original radiators in bright colours which pop against the pale grey walls.

Renovating in a block of flats can be challenging: it’s essential to work only within regulated hours, keep disturbance to a minimum, and communicate your plans to your neighbours. Understandably our neighbours below, who were at home during the day, found some of the noisy work we did early on really difficult. We made sure to stop working whenever we were asked and tried to find times when it was okay for us to complete noisy tasks.

I think some of our friends and family are a bit confused as to why we’ve poured so much time and energy into such a small flat which might not have longevity for us – and why it’s taken so long! Despite the bumpy journey, the satisfaction of having created our own space and everything we’ve learned along the way has been a reward in itself. Living in a city like London, we’re all so used to outsourcing everything as we understandably place huge value on our free time. For us, trading in some of that time and freedom has enabled us to build our perfect space and gain a new set of skills and confidence to go with it. The teamwork has strengthened our relationship and we’ve always made time to clock off for a glass of wine and a pizza to celebrate our accomplishments at the end of a hard day’s work. It’s certainly not the right path for everyone, but for those who have some of the skills required, I’d definitely recommend taking the slow route and creating your own unique home.

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On Feb. 22, a 24-year-old Honduran woman who had been detained by U.S. Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) and was in the custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) went into premature labor at 27 weeks pregnant and delivered a stillborn baby, according to a joint statement by both agencies released Monday.

According to the agencies, the woman, whose name is being withheld, was detained near Hidalgo, TX on Feb. 18. She was being processed for release when she began complaining of abdominal pains. She was examined by ICE Health Service Corps and before emergency responders could arrive to take her to the hospital, she delivered the stillborn male infant at the Port Isabel Detention Center.

ICE has denied any culpability in the incident, saying in a statement that, “Although for investigative and reporting purposes, a stillbirth is not considered an in-custody death, ICE and CBP officials are proactively disclosing the details of this tragic event to be transparent with Congress, the media, and the public.”

This policy seems at odds with the stance taken by President Donald Trump, who has made clear that the administration's position is that “life begins at conception.” In his most recent State of the Union address, Trump used graphic and incorrect language to describe abortion, vowing to protect the “dignity of every person.” Other than his oftentimes cruel, tough on immigration crusade, Trump's commitment to being the most “pro-life” president is the platform he has been most consistent on. One is left to wonder why the delivery of a stillborn baby by a migrant woman in ICE custody was not considered an in-custody death.

Nancy Cárdenas Peña, director for state policy and advocacy in Texas with the National Latina Institute for Reproductive Health, told Refinery29 in an interview Tuesday that this is just another example of the anti-choice movement being selective with their narrative. “They get to pick and choose what is most convenient to their argument,” she said of ICE not recognising the woman’s stillbirth as a death. “When you’re talking about a woman who was six months pregnant when she entered [the detention facility] and had every right to have her child, was trying to sustain that pregnancy and then was incarcerated … there should be some focus and some attention to actually clarifying what exactly constitutes an in-custody death or not. This was still an abhorrent violation of a person’s human rights. They robbed that person of sustaining a healthy pregnancy by incarcerating them at their own discretion.”

Cárdenas Peña, who has worked directly with the detention centre where the woman was held, said that conditions in these facilities regularly lead to health issues, especially among pregnant women. “There is no conducive way to be incarcerated and be healthy or sustain a pregnancy within incarceration, especially inside a detention centre,” she said. “We hear about folks being shackled. We hear about negligent maternal and prenatal care and this isn't the first time someone has endured something like this … they tell us they’re providing excellent medical care and then stuff like this happens”

She noted that ICE policies and directives are often cloudy and contradictory and that the woman could’ve been released immediately under the agency’s discretion. In December 2017, ICE implemented a policy of detaining pregnant women not yet in their third trimester. Under the Obama administration, pregnant women could not be detained except for rare occasions. “Even though they set up specifics for what kind of folks who are pregnant, at whatever stage may be detained, it's seldom followed through,” Cárdenas Peña said. “They have the discretion to let people go and there was no reason this woman was incarcerated in the first place.”

This is the third death of a minor in immigration custody in just a few months. In December, 8-year-old Felipe Alonzo-Gomez and 7-year-old Jakelin Ameí Rosmery Caal Maquin — both from Guatemala — died while in the custody of U.S. Customs and Border Protection. BuzzFeed News previously reported on migrant women who say they miscarried in immigration detention being shackled and denied proper medical care.

As of this writing, President Trump has yet to address the migrant woman's stillbirth but has railed against Senate Democrats voting against an arcane abortion law, tweeting, “If there is one thing we should all agree on, it's protecting the lives of innocent babies.”

“This is not just an immigration issue, it's a reproductive justice issue,” Cárdenas Peña said.

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