Behold: the Coutts Bank building! A giant piece of prime real estate on London's Strand, about half the size of Charing Cross Station, reserved for the very special elite and their very special bank accounts. This is where Mary Katrantzou decided to host her AW19 show — one focussed on the Ionian elements. You know: earth, wind, fire, water.
There was an irony to the setting, although perhaps not intentional, in that these elements which were once thought to have formed the basis for all human life, the thing that unites all peoples, were explored within the walls of a place reserved for those who bounce around the one percent. Fashion often feels inappropriate in its inaccessibility, but this felt like an accidental celebration of that. Upon exiting the space, London’s homelessness crisis seemed never more apparent. And yet we must talk about the clothes.
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And the clothes were good. A far departure from Katrantzou’s SS19 collection — which celebrated a decade of the brand — it seemed the Greek designer stepped away from complex, clever prints, techniques and constructions, and made a collection steeped in emotion, in feeling, and full-on feathers.
Air was captured in the big, floaty volumes where marabou feathers — in everything from ombre pastels to earth tones — shrouded the body like vibrating clouds. Katrantzou invoked fire and earth in colour: deep oranges, burnt reds, evergreens and browns. Water was represented in cascades of organza concertinaed around the neck and the body. It was elemental, it’s where we came from, and at moments — despite the setting and the fact a dress probably costs my yearly salary — it really felt that way.
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Silhouettes jumped between floaty and sharp, light and languid, and prints looked like scorched earth. Whole landscapes found their way onto dresses in full sequins or foils, combining Katrantzou’s new direction with her signature skill for brilliant print.
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It’s perfect for any season, actually — go for big, powdery silhouettes, but nip it in at the waist. Work with earth tones — whether deep brown, plum or pastel pink. Any colour you can find in nature will instantly ground the wardrobe, even if it is covered in marabou stork feathers. There’s something so glorious in knowing that Katrantzou must have watched at least one episode of Drag Race — because the boas and ‘bou were pure main stage eleganza.
Far from political, Katrantzou is a brand for women by women. And in her deep delve into the elements, what she found was that woman is all: she’s free and forceful like air, hot and sharp like fire, unstoppable like water, and full of life like the earth. It’s just a shame that to be all those things you have to have a Coutts card, darling.
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After 11 years working as a producer on hit US TV show The Bachelor, Alycia Rossiter was done with dating shows. She had moved onto other realms of reality TV — currently, she's working on a show that reunites the casts of high school musicals as adults for Us Tv network ABC.
Then came a proposal for Dating Around, a Netflix vehicle with a tantalisingly simple premise: Six single people going on five first dates — that’s all. Rossiter was intrigued. “It was a rare thing that I accepted a dating show proposal,” Rossiter told Refinery29 over the phone. “I’m tired of the things that used to work. The truth is, The Bachelor is a fantasy show about Cinderella. The Bachelor isn't real. This show, to me, felt like what real people do: Try to connect with others through conversation.”
Dating Around was built to break the mould that dating shows like The Bachelor created. “When you would normally turn left, turn right on this show. Do the opposite of your instincts,” co-creator Paul Franklin told Refinery29 of the Dating Around philosophy. After over a decade of Bachelor and its byproducts, our learned “instincts” for a dating show include expecting loads of drama, cutaway interviews with cast-members, and a built-in sense of direction — is this couple headed toward the aisle?
Co-creators Franklin and Chris Culvenor didn't bother re-fashioning these old tropes. They discarded them entirely. Taking to the streets of New York, producers looked for people outside the set of veneer-wearing, glossy individuals typically seen on dating shows. While Dating Around begins fairly conventionally, with a telegenic real estate agent dating five beautiful women, it unfolds to feature a diverse population more representative of New York. For example, we see the dating life of Leonard, a widower in his 70s, and Mila, a queer Black woman. “Different varieties of people date in different ways. That’s something we were really excited to explore,” Culvenor said.
When designing the show, Franklin and Culvenor looked to online dating landscape for inspiration. As a springboard, they asked themselves what dating really looks like for single people in 2019.
“One thing that people who are dating in today's modern world have to deal with is this kind of cacophony of choice. The various personalities. The various places. The visceral experience of a constant stream of people going in and out of your life,” said Culvenor, adding that the show's cast immediately got the show's premise. “All of them could relate to what it’s like being out on that dating scene. These are the stories that they tell their friends on weekends over brunch.”
As we've noted before, online dating has yet to penetrate the pop culture landscape to the same degree that it's a part of single people's reality. In TV and film, online dating is typically relegated to a punchline. While Dating Around isn't explicitly about swiping on Tinder, it certainly depicts the “exhausting and exhilarating” schedule of a life shaped around swipes, as Franklin puts it.
That said, Rossiter notes that Dating Around is a step removed from online dating in that it eliminates any possibility for pre-judgment (aka internet stalking). “I didn’t tell them a damn thing about the person they were going to meet that day,” Rossiter said. “There’s something really great about standing in front of a restaurant and waiting for the person to show up and that smell, the look in their eye, what they’re wearing — all of it is fresh. And you’re either excited or you’re not.”
In that sense, Dating Around is more social experiment than conventional dating show, concerned with how we present ourselves in these social interactions set up with the express deliberation of finding a partner. By weaving the five dates together, the show takes on a Groundhog Day-esque quality. The camera shows Sarah telling a story on one date, then cuts to her on another date, finishing up the same tale. “Everyone clicks into a dating version of themselves. They tell the same stories, the same jokes,” Culvenor says. “That’s really telling, on how we present ourselves to the world around us.”
Essentially, Dating Around was meant to show dating as it is: sometimes awkward, sometimes seamless, full of silences, full of surprises. To achieve that realism, producers were extremely hands-off on the dates. Rossiter says the only time she spoke to cast-members was during the breaks between set changes, as opposed to the The Bachelor, when producers are heavily involved.
But without the producers' prodding, would the show work? At the start of filming, Culvenor and Franklin briefly questioned whether a story would ultimately unfold from the ingredients they put together. “We set the stage. We cast the people. But what’s going to happen? It's like, we’re in the car, but we’re not holding onto the steering wheel,” Franklin recalled.
Their worry was unfounded — drama certainly ensued. In one memorable moment, a date that begins with crackling flirtation ends with a cruel take-down. On another dating show, the camera might change the music to indicate the sudden change in mood and zoom in on Gurki's face as she's insulted. These cues would tell the viewers how to read the interaction. However, Dating Around films the moment seamlessly, allowing us to interpret the scene.
That's because Dating Around has no goal beyond depicting the present. It's here where Dating Around is its most provocative — and perhaps frustrating, for those of us raised on a diet of dating shows. The Bachelor, famously, concludes in a proposal. One of the contestants wins the game of love.
Dating Around, on the other hand, merely ends with the insinuation of a second date. The episode's subject chooses one person, and together they walk into the city.
For Rossiter, that's the most romantic part of Dating Around. “Romance for me isn’t about the second date. Romance is possibility. I think the ending of our show is possibility. It's a city with millions of people, and into that crowd you walk alone, looking for someone, or with someone else. What's going to happen?” Rossiter says.
Maybe something will happen. Maybe nothing will. But ultimately, knowing what happens next isn't the point of Dating Around.
“The beauty of this show is that nothing happens. Somehow, audiences have come to grow accustomed to real people having extraordinary, not comfortable days. That’s not really what I’m interested in putting on television. I think that our country’s a mess right now. Let’s put a good day on TV,” Rossiter said.
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It's my third season attending London Fashion Week and I'm excited by the whole thing. Sure, it's exhausting and can make you feel insecure about the way you look, but there's outfit inspiration aplenty, the shows can be magnificent, and it's thrilling to see everything up close. On Saturday, day two of LFW, I kept a diary of everything I did, everywhere I went, what I ate, drank (lots of coffee) and saw…
8am
My first show of the day is Alexachung at 12pm, so I spend the morning writing up the street style from the first day of LFW. I was up until 1.30am writing an interview with Michael Halpern (one of the nicest designers I've met) last night, so I'm a little tired. I make coffee and toast and eat some fruit, then work from the comfort of my bed until it's time to get ready. What to wear? I go for a sweet Sister Jane smock, Topshop jeans (still my favourite brand for denim), sage green Yuul Yie shoes and my beloved Manu Atelier bag. Realise I look like the hard-boiled sweet emoji and feel good about that. ???
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11.30am
Another coffee (I usually have three before 12pm) and hit the train. Alexa's show is at Universal Music in the swaggy new King's Cross area, and as I walk up I see an ocean of brown, rust, beige and camel – everyone is into neutral tones this season.
12.30pm
The show was fabulous, a more grown-up iteration of the Alexachung woman, all leather-clad and swathed in patchwork knits. Of course there were beautiful prairie dresses and slick '70s suiting, all markers of Chung's personal style, which I've been hooked on since her T4 days. The soundtrack is always slamming, too, and this one featured my fave Fat White Family song. Saucy.
1pm
Make my way towards the next show, Molly Goddard, but first have to find a spot to sit and write. Met with swathes of tourists visiting Big Ben/Downing Street as Goddard's show is at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office's iconic Durbar Court. Find a pub, get another coffee (wish it was a cold pint), and get to work.
2pm
Woaaah this venue is beautiful! Goddard chose to host her AW19 collection here with the GREAT Britain Campaign to highlight the fact that the fashion industry supports 890,000 jobs and brings in £32.3 billion to the UK economy. With Brexit approaching everyone's scared, and you can see some designers reacting by looking to traditional British craftsmanship – ASAI and Matty Bovan both celebrated old school techniques in their collections – or, like Ashley Williams and Alexachung, by retreating to a more idyllic place.
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Molly's show is as spectacular as ever, with models in tulle, taffeta and jacquard dresses walking windswept on an elevated catwalk. The showstopper is a hot fuchsia number – one for Killing Eve's Villanelle to wear in season two, perhaps?
3pm
Straight over to Halpern's show next, which I'm thrilled to have had a sneak peek at in his studio earlier this week. He was looking at the parallels between the '20s, '70s and today, times in which people have been drawn to opulence and glamour in the face of uncertainty. The show was held in the Art Deco ballroom of the Sheraton Grand – formerly The Park Lane Hotel – and the collection looked at the fantastical illustrations of Russian artist Erté. Models floated in and out of shadowy sculptures to haunting classical music and the whole thing was really cinematic and moving.
3.50pm
Make my way over to Marylebone where House of Holland's show will kick off soon, but nip to the pub opposite the station for the aforementioned cold pint. Fashion Week is thirsty work, and while I should be mainlining water rather than Beavertown Gamma Ray, it hits the spot. File a few pieces of copy to my editor, and walk over to the next show.
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5pm
Sit down and see the cast of Sex Education opposite me and text all my pals who loved the show as much as I did. Henry Holland always attracts a cool crowd, and his shows are really fun, with banging soundtracks, fun models and wearable pieces.
6pm
My feet are hurting now and I realise I haven't eaten since breakfast (always happens when I'm out and about, when I'm at my desk I eat like there's a conveyor belt from my hand to my mouth), so I grab a nutritious dinner: salt and vinegar Hula Hoops, Mini Cheddars and a Toffee Crisp. Delish.
Back at the (deserted) office for a few hours now, which always scares me at the weekend because there could be murderers waiting under the desks? Put my headphones in to distract me and write up show reports. I find some M&S caramel eggs which I'd forgotten I'd put in my bag. Eat them all in one go.
8.30pm
Time to make my way to the Alexachung x Sunglass Hut dinner in Victoria. An unlikely partnership but the shades are really nice: '70s square and oval shapes in various tints. Make a note to wear my pair with an exaggerated lapel blazer and neckerchief. I don't change outfits for the evening, which makes me feel a bit tired and sweaty, but you're mad if you think I'm lugging around a change of clothes all day.
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9pm
Arrive at Wild by Tart, the gorgeous restaurant we are eating at. See some faces I recognise and breathe a sigh of relief. Meet some lovely new people too – and eat burrata and harissa cauliflower and drink white wine. It's a lovely way to cap off the day, but I can't head to the House of Holland after-party with everyone because I have to go home and write up some more pieces for tomorrow. Relish being boring but sensible and am in bed by midnight, ready to do it all again tomorrow.
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After seven women and more than a dozen associates detailed singer-songwriter Ryan Adams’ alleged pattern of sexual misconduct and emotionally manipulative behaviour to the New York Times, more women in the industry have come forward to condemn Adams. He denies the accusations.
Musician Phoebe Bridgers, who was among the original seven to speak to the NYT, elaborated on her thoughts, feelings, and the support she has received from those around her since the news broke. “It’s been a weird week and I wanted to say a couple things. Thank you from my whole fucking heart to my friends, my bands, my mom. They all supported and validated me,” Bridgers shared in a note on Twitter. “They told me that what had happened was fucked up and wrong, and that I was right to feel weird about it. I couldn’t have done it without them.”
In the NYT piece, Bridgers details how Adams first contacted her when she was 20 years old, offering to help her with her career. What followed with a professional relationship that turned romantic and then abusive. “Ryan had a network too. Friends, bands, people he worked with. None of them held him accountable. They told him, by what they said or by what they didn’t, that what he was doing was okay. They validated him. He couldn’t have done this without them,” Bridgers continued. “Guys, if your friend is acting fucked up, call them out. If they’re actually your friend, they’ll listen. That’s the way this all gets better.”
Mandy Moore, who was married to Ryan Adams for seven years before divorcing in 2016, expressed her support for Bridgers in a retweet which read, “Facts. Thank you @phoebe_bridgers,” followed by a heart. Moore has spoken publicly about how Adams tried to pull all the strings during their marriage.
Liz Phair and Jenny Lewis, who have worked with Adams on recent albums but did not raise any allegations against him in the original NYT piece, have also commented. Phair responded to a tweet which asked what she thought of the news since she wrote numerous songs with Adams that were never released. Without going into detail, she confirmed that she had a similar experience to Bridgers and the other women. “I think you can extrapolate. My experience was nowhere near as personally involving, but yes the record ended and the similarities are upsetting,” Phair tweeted.
If I do, I’ll write about it. But I think you can extrapolate. My experience was nowhere near as personally involving, but yes the record ended and the similarities are upsetting
Lewis, whose 2014 album Voyager was produced by Adams, tweeted that while they had a “professional working relationship,” she believed the women who came forward and that she is “deeply troubled” by the allegations. In an original copy of a press release for her upcoming album, Lewis listed Adams as one of the collaborators among a list of other notable men in the industry, including Ringo Starr and Beck. Knowing of this collaboration, many people on Twitter called for her to comment on the allegations.
I am deeply troubled by Ryan Adams’ alleged behavior. Although he and I had a working professional relationship, I stand in solidarity with the women who have come forward.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.There's an image that comes across my Instagram feed about once a day of a wellness blogger in their light-filled apartment, surrounded by house plants, doing yoga and looking very casual about it. The thought of doing yoga at home sounds ideal; you don't have to deal with people, spend any money, or even leave the house. But in actuality, when I try to do yoga at home, I get distracted and end up scrolling my phone in child's pose on a yoga mat.
"One of the best things about yoga is that it can be done almost anytime, anywhere — including at home," says Jade Alexis, a yoga trainer on the audio-based workout app Aaptiv. The problem is, without a yoga teacher around, or a proper app to walk you through the workout, it's tough to know what exactly to do. You need to at least have a plan or intention each time you flow at home.
So, whether you also aspire to be an at-home yogi, or you just want to do yoga in private, ahead are some tips from Alexis and Sinikiwe Dhliwayo, yoga instructor and founder of Naaya Wellness, a wellness collective for people of colour. With a mat and the right attitude, you too can be a yoga-flowing homebody.
Know a few basic poses.
When you're starting out with your at-home yoga practice, it's a good idea to have a vocabulary of postures that you can work with. Alexis and Dhliwayo suggest learning: cat cow, child's pose, downward-facing dog, plank, cobra pose, upward-facing dog, warrior one and two, chair pose, and low lunge. If you know those, you can piece them together a beginner flow, like Sun Salutation B, Alexis says. Look up videos or images of the poses to get a sense of how they're supposed to be done, but try not to get wrapped up in what they look like; how you feel is more important.Listen to your body.
Form is essential in yoga, but without an expert to guide you through the poses or make physical corrections, it can be difficult to know if you're doing it "right." The best way to make adjustments or tell if you're making mistakes is to just pay attention to how you feel, Alexis says. "Regardless of wherever you are, it’s important to listen to your body," she says. "If something doesn’t feel right, listen to your body and ease of the posture."Try an online class.
The internet is full of tons of free yoga classes and resources for you to take advantage of — arguably too many. Dhliwayo is a fan of yogis Sara Clark, Rocky Heron, and Dianne Bondy. The beauty of taking an online class is that you can stop it at any time, or rewind a section if it gets confusing. And of course, the Aaptiv app has lots of audio yoga classes that you can try that are varying lengths, styles, and levels of difficulty.Get some gear.
You don't need much to do yoga, but ideally you'd have a clutter-free space to practice, a good yoga mat, and most importantly a positive attitude and patience, Alexis says. Blocks can also be super helpful if you're just starting out, because they essentially bring the floor up to you, which is imperative if you don't have flexibility yet, Dhliwayo says. Other props like blankets help you be more comfortable in a pose, and can be nice to have during a restorative practice, she says. Music and calming essential oils can also help make your home practice feel more special, but those aren't must-haves.Don't stress the names.
Often in yoga classes, teachers will use the Sanskrit names to define yoga poses, which can make it seem way more confusing. "Many people are concerned with knowing the names of poses, but that comes with time and I tell beginners to not worry about names when they get started," Alexis says. Instead, just find beginner classes that will walk you through the individual poses, she says. With enough repetition, it'll eventually click.
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Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Dreamy Neptune conjuncts charming Venus at the very beginning of the week, putting us in the mood to treat ourselves. If you go shopping, make sure that you don't go overboard — you don't want to create clutter for yourself. In fact, you might want to get rid of one thing that you don't need to replace with the one that will suit your needs best.
We enter Pisces season on Monday, helping us shift into a more intuitive and dreamy headspace. But watch out for confusion when discussing your ideas. The moon moves into confident Leo until Tuesday morning, where it helps us get organised. Take a look outside if you can, it will also be a beautiful winter supermoon. She then shifts into a void of course period early on Thursday morning at 1.51am GMT until 2.17pm GMT, making it a time to rest and relax. The moon wanes in Libra, emphasising the need to socialise and connect until Saturday morning. When the moon wanes, it’s a good time to wrap up matters that need consolidation. Venus and Pluto conjunct on Friday, assisting us with how we relate to love, beauty, beginnings and endings. The moon enters Scorpio on Saturday morning, helping us to be more strategic with our thoughts and feelings.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Aries March 21 to April 19
You might want to take a look at your relationships — to people and your money. Neptune, your personal planet of spirituality conjuncts Venus, your ruling planet. Take some quiet time to ruminate on how your own decisions impact the people you care most deeply about. If you’re in a relationship, you may want to have a more philosophical chat about life and how your spending is impacted by that. Are you buying things to fill a void? On Monday, the sun enters your 12th house of spirituality, boosting this consideration. He helps to rule your sense of creativity and entertainment, opening up your mind to how you create joy in your own life. On Tuesday, we enter a full moon in Virgo, which will impact your zones of home and family. The week concludes with a Venus and Pluto conjunction on Friday, helping you to consider how you relate to love and money. Pluto helps to rule death and rebirth, so take time to think about natural conclusions to relationships. These planets work together to help you move forward.Celia Jacobs.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Taurus April 20 to May 20
On Monday, it’s time to shift your focus from career to friendship as the sun moves into your 11th house. He rules Taurus' home and family zones, so making small improvements to your space will help prepare you for hosting cosy get-togethers with your besties. The full moon in Virgo could help inspire partnered Tauruses to take the next step in their relationships, as she illuminates your fifth house of love on Tuesday. If you’re single, you could happen upon a person who complements you in unexpected ways. Keep your heart open. On Friday, a Venus and Pluto conjunction will assist you in finding the work-life balance you crave. The planet of charm and beauty helps to rule all things relating to your zones of health and work, while Pluto is in charge of your love sector. It will be easier for you to prioritise your emotions and balance out the time that you make for your job. Life is meant to be lived, who do you want to spend it with?Cachetejack.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Gemini May 21 to June 20
Tuesday’s full moon in Virgo will help you to work out past details that might have escaped you. She’s in charge of assisting you with managing your money, so make sure to get your books in order before tax season arrives. The sun enters your 10th house on Wednesday, bringing your career aspirations to the forefront. On Friday, a Venus and Pluto conjunction will shed light on how you bring beauty into your health and daily routines. It doesn’t mean that you need to spend money on getting new workout clothes or buying new desk accessories, but how you perceive beauty. Think about how aesthetics impact your productivity, do you want to switch things up? Apart from that, you may come to the conclusion that it’s time to let go of purchasing habits that you make in health and work. Is that gym membership being used? Are you spending too much on your morning coffee? There are better ways to enjoy your daily life without breaking the bank.Amber Vittoria.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Cancer June 21 to July 22
Your ruling planet enters a full moon in Virgo on Tuesday, helping to create better organisation in your life. You’re more analytical and exacting when she’s in this phase, and when she reflects the sun’s light on you, you’re able to see problems that you’ve never seen before. We enter Pisces season on Wednesday, with the sun moving from your eighth house of sex, death and rebirth into your ninth house of expansion. It’s time to begin embracing education, travel and development as we move through this week. On Friday, a Venus and Pluto conjunction helps to connect how you make time more enjoyable with your family and at home. Venus assists Cancer’s home and family sectors, which is why your sign is so drawn to finding comfort in your personal living space. Pluto rules fun and games, which is where you get your wild side from. When these two planets conjoin, you’re able to make your home more than just a retreat, but a destination for others as well. Invite friends over for the weekend and consider starting up a book club or make travel plans for the summer with your favourites.Ariel Davis.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Leo July 23 to August 22
On Monday, it’s time to shift your focus from career to friendship as the sun moves into your 11th house. He rules Taurus’s home and family zones, so making small improvements to your space will help prepare you for hosting cozy winter get-togethers with your besties. The full moon in Virgo could help inspire partnered Tauruses to take the next step in their relationship, as she illuminates your 5th house of love on Tuesday. If you’re single, you could happen upon a person who compliments you in unexpected ways. Keep your heart open. On Friday, a Venus and Pluto conjunction will assist you in finding a balance in your relationships regarding your work habits. The planet of charm and beauty helps to rule all things relating to your zones of health and work, while Pluto is in charge of your love sector. It will be easier for you to prioritise your emotions and balance out the time that you make for your job. Life is meant to be lived, who do you want to spend it with?Lynnie Z.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Virgo August 23 to September 22
It’s time for you to begin thinking about all of your relationships and how they relate to one another, Virgo. The sun brightens your seventh house of bonds on Monday, moving away from your health and work zones. Becoming more aware of how you relate to your loved ones will help to strengthen your relationships. Your seventh house will also be bolstered by Neptune, your personal planet of love this week. If you’re in a relationship, try to find out what your love language is and how it differs from your partner’s. If you’re single, try to open yourself up to the opportunity for a connection — don’t hold back! We enter a full moon in your sign on Tuesday, enhancing your very best qualities. People are looking to count on you, and you’re confident that you can help them. Your generous nature is your superpower, especially around the four days after the full moon. On Friday, Venus, your personal planet of money conjuncts Pluto, the planet of death and rebirth. When these two planets meet up, you’ll be able to better evaluate what you no longer need to spend money on! Are there any habits that are hurting your bank account? You could find a way to be more budget-friendly that’s fun and aesthetically pleasing — make the most of it by putting it on the ‘gram.Simone Noronha.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Libra September 23 to October 22
Get ready to have fun this week, Libra. The sun is moving into your sixth house of health and work on Monday, putting your focus on upgrading your routines. It could be as simple as taking the stairs on your morning commute or carving out time in your schedule to practise yoga. Whatever you do, the sun is here to help you tune up your schedule. Tuesday’s full supermoon in Virgo is going to illuminate aspects of your career zone that had previously escaped you. Use the light of this moon to take an in-depth look at where you want to go, and what you’ve done. If you haven’t updated your resume in a while, you might want to try out some new formats and add some new skills. On Friday, a Venus and Pluto conjunction will combine the power of these two planets to help you master your cash. The furthest planet is Libra’s financial ruler, while sweet Venus rules your sign. Is it time for you to make some serious moves to pay off a loan? Are you ready to create new investment in your savings? Whatever you do, you’ll be making a step towards a more comfortable future.Sarah Mazzeti.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Scorpio October 23 to November 21
Last week the sun dominated your home and family zones, but on Monday it’s time to put your scope on your pleasure and creativity. The sun enters your fifth house, and that’s a reason to celebrate. This doesn’t mean that you’re going to be stuck on your couch bingeing the latest Netflix original. Instead you’ll be finding joy in all aspects of your life. It’s a time to look at the brighter side of things! Virgo’s full moon on Tuesday will help everyone around you to be more methodical about their actions, which you will love. It’s so much easier to manage the world when you can adequately track everyone’s true intentions! On Friday, your ruling planet Pluto conjuncts Venus, Scorpio’s ruler of love. If you’re single, you may want to think about the people that are on your dating radar, and if they’re worth your time. It will be easier for you to establish who to date, and who to dump. If you’re in a relationship, you may want to talk with your partner about how your relationship works and what you both need to improve on. The moon enters your sign on Saturday morning, making it hard for you to keep your emotions to yourself. Have faith in the fact that the people in your life love you and support your ups and downs.Kelsey Wrotten.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Sagittarius November 22 to December 21
The sun is moving into your fourth house on Monday, emphasising the importance of a strong foundation in both family and your living space. Spend the rest of Pisces season thinking about how you impact the happiness of your loved ones, and also how you treat your home. Have you thought about subletting when you’re travelling? On Friday, Mercury, your personal planet of love and money squares with Jupiter, your ruling planet. It may be difficult for you to discuss spending and saving with your partner if you’re currently attached. Single Sags may have a difficult time expressing their emotions to people that they’re dating, so if you can postpone any romantic plans this weekend, you’ll be better off collecting your thoughts and thinking about what you’ll say next, rather than let it just fall out of your mouth. It’s a better day for you to stay home and think about how you can connect your sense of spirituality to health and work as Venus and Pluto conjunct. The planet of love and beauty is responsible for managing your physical wellbeing and habits, while Pluto is Sagittarius' ruler of introspection and relation to a higher power. Get lots of rest while these planets conjunct, and embrace and express that energy.Kissi Ussuki.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Capricorn December 22 to January 19
The sun enters your third house of communication on Monday, emphasising your ability to speak to others in person, on the phone and online. So much can be lost in translation, but your ability to pick up on the nuances needed when you’re not face-to-face will be enhanced. Capricorn’s personal planet of love waxes full in Virgo on Tuesday. Singles who are dating may want to invite potential partners over to their place so that they can show off their spotless pad. When the moon is full, your emotions shine brighter. Be open and honest with your partner and enjoy each other’s company. If you can avoid drinking alcohol, you’ll be happier sharing a healthy meal together. On Friday, we enter a Venus and Pluto conjunction, helping you to reassess your career path. Venus rules Capricorn’s relation to their work life, while Pluto will assist you in making judgment calls about new beginnings and natural conclusions. Is it time for you to ask your manager for a promotion? Find out what it takes to make the next big leap, and begin planning.Loveis Wise.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Aquarius January 20 to February 18
Last week you shone brightly thanks to the sun spending his time in your first house of self, Aquarius. Take that confidence with you into Monday, when the sun shifts his gaze into your second house of finances. You’re tough, and you’ve got the juice to take care of your money. This week, work on becoming more aware of where your money is going — both spending and saving. The sun is Aquarius' personal planet of love, so take a look at what you spend to create happiness in your relationships. If you’re single, do you always think about who is picking up the cheque? Take the pressure off by inviting your dates over for dinner or offering more budget-friendly solutions. The sun’s money theme will continue on Friday when Pluto and Venus conjoin. Regenerative Pluto manages your career sector, while Venus is responsible for home and family. It’s important to remember that work will always be a constant, but how it impacts your personal life is what determines your own happiness. It may be time for you to think about how your goals could be affecting you. Are they reasonable? Are they actually making you happy? Seek a more profound sense of fulfilment by meditating on these questions.Hilda Palafox.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Pisces February 19 to March 20
It’s your time to show off, Pisces. The sun is entering your first house on Monday, illuminating your sweet nature. Tune into your psychic talents, intuition and creativity when approaching all things. If you’re celebrating your birthday this week, try planning something a little out of the box, or take your group on an adventure with zero expectations. You never know where you could end up. But watch out for a Neptune and Mercury square on Monday. Things could get lost in translation as your dreamy ruling planet opposes your communicative personal planet of love. It’s a better day for you to pursue your artistic side, while the moon waxes in Virgo. If you’ve been looking to take up a new craft or hobby, today is an excellent day to focus on minute details. The moon helps Pisces to embody their natural sense of creativity. Try to put down your phone, turn off your computer and make something with your hands. She’s also responsible for your opportunities for love affairs! Keep your eyes peeled, single fish.Rachel Jo.
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Sex is one of the basic pleasures of life, but the orgasm is anything but simple — especially for people with vaginas.
The complexity begins with your anatomy. While you probably know that generally, your journey to orgasm starts with vaginal or clitoral stimulation, you might not realise that there's still debate among researchers about the exact anatomy of the clitoris. The most visible part of this intriguing organ is the small bundle of extra-sensitive nerve endings that sits right underneath where the two inner labia meet up top. From there, the clitoris actually extends internally in two shafts that sit along either side of the vagina. Experts may still be mapping the clitoris in full, but pretty much everyone understands the sexual purpose: pleasure.
To understand your orgasm, you should also know that the vaginal canal is lined with the soft tissue of the mucous membrane covering layers of stretchy muscle. (This canal leads to the cervix, a narrow passageway that sits in front of the uterus. This is the long journey upon which sperm must embark in order to fertilise an egg. Some research suggests that the female orgasm may help improve your chances of getting pregnant by improving “sperm retention” but you have to time it right.)
During arousal, you'll notice your heart rate increase, your skin may begin to feel (and look) flushed, and your genitals will swell with blood. But you're also building up a lot of muscle tension throughout your body.
Once you reach orgasm, the muscles in your vagina, anus and uterus involuntarily rhythmically contract and then relax. Hence that awesome feeling of “release”.
At the same time, your brain is working up quite a potent cocktail of chemicals. That includes the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is commonly associated with pretty much anything that feels good. But during an orgasm, you're also getting a huge release of oxytocin, which can promote feelings of closeness and empathy.
Also, according to a small 2006 study published in the European Journal of Neuroscience, there's some evidence that, in women, the brain's hippocampus and amygdala show decreased activity during sex — but before climaxing. Both of those areas are associated with emotional regulation, especially fear and anxiety. And during orgasm, activity decreased in other brain areas, too. That suggests that feeling safe and relaxed may be especially important for women to reach an orgasm.
But every body is different, and there's way more than one way to get to an orgasm. What works for one person won't necessarily work for everyone else. The good news is orgasms all feel great. But the better news is that they come with plenty of health benefits, too.
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Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Cast your mind back to early 1999. Tony Blair was living it large at Number 10. The euro had just become a thing and scientists were warning us about the dangers of genetically modified foods. Elsewhere, Denise van Outen left The Big Breakfast and was replaced by Kelly Brook, the first episode of Holby City hit BBC One and people were already losing their shit over the bloody millennium.
It was a big year, only made bigger by the Brit Awards. Why? Because we have a feeling that this, the biggest annual music awards show in the country, might have peaked 20 years ago. Hear me out. These were the Top Of The Pops years. Live music was celebrated TV territory and there was none of this 'I'll just watch the best bits on YouTube and follow the rest on Twitter' malarkey. We were way more invested in our celebrities because we didn't really see or hear that much from them (social media, we're blaming you). So when events like the Brits came around, it always felt rather special to hear about a group of the world's biggest stars being popped in a room and given a load of free booze – you'll see how that worked out for Robbie Williams in a minute.
It was in this year that Whitney Houston popped across the pond to sing in the Brit arena. It was the year Stevie Wonder shared the stage with Annie Lennox, and pop heavyweights B*Witched, Billie Piper, Cleopatra and Steps got together to do a very strange ABBA tribute. It was everything. Don't believe me? See for yourself. Click through to experience the spectacle that was the 1999 Brit Awards – featuring the few '90s outfits we're not nostalgic for, one of the most underrated girl groups in history, and a few low-key celebrities you had definitely forgotten about. Enjoy.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.I really hope that Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones had a quick chat on their top-of-the-range Nokias to make sure that the plan to wear all black was still on.Photo by...Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Nineteen-year-old Kelly Brook, rocking the corset-choker combo, had just landed a job on The Big Breakfast alongside Johnny Vaughan.Courtesy of REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Yes, this was Cher's year too. Well, she wasn't nominated for anything but she belted out "Believe" like nobody's business.Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Look! It's Steps! STEPS! Well, four of Steps – it seems Lee (everyone fancied Lee) was off shimmying elsewhere when this was taken but god, how happy do they all look?Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.All Saints lost out to Robbie Williams in the British Video of the Year category (they were nominated for "Under The Bridge") but they were invited on stage to present Natalie Imbruglia with her award for International Newcomer.Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.If this isn't evidence that Love Actually star Martine McCutcheon inspired Kim Kardashian's style direction, then I don't know what is.Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Here is Natalie Imbruglia. She's happy because All Saints presented her with an award.Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Another Level were also in attendance that year. Don't know who Another Level are? That's okay. They're the guys who sang "Freak Me". They broke up in the year 2000 and then Dane Bowers tried very hard to have a solo career.Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.What a jump from the last slide, amirite? We'll overlook the Union Jack suit to give the appropriate attention to dear Stevie Wonder and Annie Lennox. They did three whole songs!Photo by Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Believe it or not, this is Ronan Keating in a cap, tie and pinstripe suit. Life really is a rollercoaster.Photo by...Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Oh, The Corrs. Aren't they great? They performed "Runaway" (obvs) and also took home the award for best International Group. Now that I've mentioned it, I'm pretty confident that you'll have listened to "Runaway" before the day is done.Photo by...Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.The 5ive boys were in the running for British Breakthrough Act. They didn't win, but that's only because "If Ya Gettin' Down" and "Keep on Movin" weren't out yet.Photo by...Tony Larkin/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Please can we show some love for Honeyz, one of the most underrated girl groups in the history of British pop music. Their reign (generous word, I know) was short-lived, but "Finally Found" is a vibe.Photo by...Tony Larkin/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Classic Goldie. Repping the sunglasses in the dark because who really needs to be able to see where they're going at the biggest piss-up in the music calendar? Silly.Photo by...Tony Larkin/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.I worshipped Billie Piper as a kid. That's a lie. I have worshipped her well into adulthood. Here we have a bold outfit choice that my mum would've rolled her eyes at, but come on. What else does one wear to the 1999 Brits at which they're nominated for two awards?Photo by REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.I can sense you squinting at the screen as you strain to work out who these lot are. It's B*Witched of course! I know, hard to recognise them when they're not in the usual denim get-up but here they are having a wonderful time.Photo by REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Another beloved girl group who faded from the limelight far too quickly – Cleopatra, coming at ya. They were up for British Breakthrough Act and sadly lost out to Belle & Sebastian.Photo byREX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.I know what you're thinking. Is this another ambitious Louis Walsh super-group idea? No no. I don't think he was involved. But B*Witched, Steps, Cleopatra and Billie Piper did do an ABBA medley at the beginning of the ceremony. Watch it – I dare you.Photo by REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.This is why Ronan was in that pinstripe suit, see? Because Boyzone decided to all wear pinstripe suits to sing "When The Going Gets Tough" for the occasion.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.This, my friends, is what cameras were made for. Capturing incredible moments between Fatboy Slim and Boy George.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.No your eyes do not deceive you. That is queen Whitney Houston at the goddamn Brits! She performed "It's Not Right But It's Okay" and it was great.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Yes, Tamara Beckwith was there too!Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Just seeing Angela Griffin's face brings back a flurry of great TV memories. Coronation Street? She was in that. Waterloo Road? She owned that one. At this very moment, though, I really want to know why she's carrying what looks like a leaflet for a villa holiday company.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Ah, Bowie. Anyone at the Brits that year was blessed with an opportunity to watch him perform live with Placebo. An honour, really.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Not that this needs any introduction, but 1999 really was Robbie Williams' year. He performed "Let Me Entertain You" before taking home three awards – Video of the Year for "Millennium", Single of the Year for "Angels" and Male Solo Act – and drinking all the drinks. How did that go? Please see the sign.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Photo by...Richard Young/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Photo by...Alan Davidson/REX/ShutterstockImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Photo by...Tony Larkin/REX/Shutterstock
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There's that scene in When Harry Met Sally, when Billy Crystal – inexplicably cast as some sort of sexual conqueror of women despite a seriously dodgy sweater collection – tells Meg Ryan with all the confidence of a fully average straight white man that no woman has ever faked it with him.
Her response? She fakes it. Slams her hands on the table and screams “YES YES YES!” at the top of her lungs. Right in the middle of the packed-out Katz's Deli.
“I'll have what she's having”, says a lady a few tables over as Billy shrinks down inside his monstrous jumper, chastened and embarrassed.
The mistake Billy made in that movie is the same mistake that men are still making 30 years later by not realising that 'faking it' isn't just a trick women pull out of the bag for the odd occasion of bad sex they might have after five Jägerbombs and a night of grinding to slow jams. No, it's a skill that's been in most women's repertoire since they first started having sex, thanks to an ingrained idea that we need to look and act a certain way in order for our partner to buy into the idea that they've just experienced 'good' sex.
It's not just limited to straight women – 59% of lesbians admitted to faking it with a female partner at some point. And it's no wonder – growing up exposed solely to ideals of sexual pleasure dictated by a man's worldview has left many women with the subconscious impression that performing for their partner, rather than zeroing in on their own needs, is how sex is 'done' – a mindset that's not exactly conducive to multiple orgasms.
Things are changing as more women realise that sexual pleasure isn't just a nice bonus, it is their right. It is insane that it's taken until now to realise that we don't have to suffer through awkward fumbles before faking an orgasm out of 'politeness'. And yet here we are.
Recently the conversation about female pleasure feels like it's gone into overdrive. Campaigns like the Pink Protest's #girlswanktoo have been ending the shame many women still feel about masturbation, podcasts like F**ks Given and Laid Bare talk openly and graphically about everything and anything to do with sex, female-led sex tech companies like Dame and Unbound are creating colourful sex toys that look nothing like the phallic rabbit from the Sex and the City era.
In porn, established women filmmakers like Erika Lust and Petra Joy are being joined by a super talented younger generation of wildly artistic and experimental filmmakers (see: Vex Ashley). Elsewhere, lifestyle and health stores like Boots and SODA are adding sex toys to their stock and a huge number of fabulously Instagrammable lubes that wouldn't look out of place next to your Glossier beauty products are popping up left and right. In short, 2019 marks the year that female pleasure takes centre stage. Which is why we're devoting a whole week to talking about it.
We ask where we went wrong in our initial approach, how to get pleasure solo or with a partner and, more importantly, how to ask for it. We're going to be seeking help from tantric practitioners and meditation gurus, hold a celebration of masturbation and check in on what orgasms and pleasure mean to different photographers.
We're also going to put our serious hats on to investigate why female pleasure isn't taught in sex education, look at what antidepressants are doing to our ability to reach orgasm, and we're going to ask why there's not more research into the science of female pleasure.
So strap in (or on) for a week of no-holds-barred, upfront and frank conversation about getting off – because, as you'll find out in one of our upcoming articles, there are 14(!!) different types of orgasm and you, my friend, deserve all of them.
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For the past four and a half years, I’ve been single. Most of the time it has been just fine, as I have more than enough to keep myself busy. Between running a consulting firm, sitting on three nonprofit boards, writing a book, finding time to exercise, visiting with friends, and entertaining my three-year-old rescue pup, Phoebe, I find the feeling of loneliness is kept at bay.
However, every year around late October or early November, as Christmas decorations begin appearing in store windows and holiday songs are played on the radio ad nauseam, I begin to feel a twinge of sadness. By early December, the entire world seems to be counting down the days to the last two weeks of the year. Me, well, I’m counting down the days until the holidays are over.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a Scrooge, and I’ve often loved the celebrations that take place leading up to and throughout the holiday season. I’m Jewish, but during my entire childhood I begged for a Christmas tree (with no success, I’m afraid). And I have happy memories of celebrating the season with my significant others during the years when I was married, and later in a long-term relationship.
But these past four years, it has truly been a struggle. No kids, no parents, and no partner meant that most likely I would be solo or a third wheel at a friend’s dinner. It wasn’t until this year that I finally made a decision to shake things up and get the hell out of town. In the past, I had always dragged my feet because the cost of holiday travel is so high that I could practically take two trips for what it would cost me to vacation between December 20 and January 2.
No kids, no parents, and no partner meant that most likely I would be solo or a third wheel at a friend’s dinner. It wasn’t until this year that I finally made a decision to shake things up and get the hell out of town.
But in early December, a dear friend piqued my interest when she told me about a four-night, five-day Lindblad Expeditions/NatGeo/Exhale journey in the Sea of Cortez. The trip sounded amazing: sunrise yoga each morning, daily stops to islands for hiking, kayaking, paddle-boarding, beach yoga, snorkelling, and just relaxing. Initially, I was reluctant to take a cruise — I always assumed it would be something I did when I reached my 80s, when my energy levels and ADHD were finally curtailed.
Nevertheless, this journey sounded like the opposite of a slow-moving, massive cruise and far more enticing. I figured that there would be enough activity to keep me, an energetic, solo traveler, busy and engaged. And the dates were perfect: We’d depart on December 26 and return to port on December 30, which meant I would miss the whole holiday week. I started to book my trip and was immensely relieved to learn that the most cost-effective flights would depart early on Christmas Day and return very late on New Year’s Eve. No need to worry about finding a party or things to do on either holiday. I was over the moon.
As the days grew closer to departure, though, I found myself getting a bit apprehensive. Who would I talk to? What if I got seasick? What if my room was claustrophobic? What if there was no Internet? (Yes, pathetic, I know!) I talked myself off the ledge, however, and reminded myself that it was only five days. Worst-case scenario, I had books to read and plenty of work that I could do.
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In the end, I had nothing to worry about. The ship was brand new, and my cabin was larger than my first studio apartment in New York City, with a queen-size bed and extra-fluffy down pillows. I had two giant windows and a large bathroom with a shower that had better water pressure than mine in Brooklyn.
Before we set sail, all 80 passengers gathered in the main cabin for Champagne and cookies. I quickly scanned the room and immediately realised I was the only solo passenger. Families, couples, children, and me. But I wasn’t bothered by that. A few years back, I might have been nervous and maybe even a wee bit despondent, but not this time. In a way, I looked at it as an adventure. I could choose my daily activities without consulting with anyone. Yoga at sunrise? Maybe. Kayaking along the shore? Maybe. Snorkelling with sea lion cub pups? Yes. Aerobic hiking? Yes. Beach yoga? No. And no one would talk me out of any decisions. They were mine to make, and quite frankly, that was empowering.
I found myself getting a bit apprehensive. Who would I talk to? What if I got seasick? What if my room was claustrophobic? What if there was no Internet? (Yes, pathetic, I know!)
Still, I had to laugh when my sister texted me to see if there were any hot, single men on the cruise. When I told her there were not, she texted back immediately and asked about the crew.
I didn’t find my soul mate, but each day was filled with new adventures. Starting the morning with sunrise yoga led by a guru from Exhale Spa was truly magical. I’m a little embarrassed to admit I’m not a yoga fan, but watching the sun first peer above the horizon over the Sea of Cortez made every downward dog beyond worth it. Snorkelling with the baby sea lion cubs was a spectacular experience, and I so adored interacting with the little pups who were enthralled with our bubbles. I spent the afternoons exploring the different islands, taking in the stunning vistas, and relaxing on the sun-kissed beaches. Nothing beat diving into the cool water after returning from a two-hour hike.
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But I was most moved on the day I finally spotted dolphins. I’ve visited beaches on six continents, but I’d never seen one in the wild. Well, my day finally came. And I didn’t just see one or two, but hundreds and hundreds racing beside our ship for over an hour one afternoon as we sailed between islands. It was a glorious sight, and one I will never forget. I took it as a good omen for the coming new year and convinced myself it symbolised that some exciting opportunities were coming in my near and far future.
The last morning, as we disembarked at the port in La Paz, I was a bit sad to see the journey come to an end. It had been such a unique and enchanting five days making new friends and learning more about the natural world. I was hesitant to fly back to the craze of New York City, not to mention the cold weather. Nonetheless, I felt recharged, rested, and excited to tackle 2019.
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I landed back in New York very late on New Year’s Eve and headed to my sister’s home in Brooklyn. I snuggled with her pup, Loofah, and looked forward to waking up in the new year with my sister and her family. I loved my time away, but I was glad to be home.
Maybe it sounds cliché, but you’re never too old to experience new adventures. Solo travel isn’t reserved for twentysomethings trying to escape the grind, or fortysomethings trying to find themselves. And at the end of the day, self-care is not just about relishing your routine but pushing yourself outside your comfort zone, taking a risk, and enjoying the view.
Susan McPherson, founder and CEO of McPherson Strategies, is the cupid of corporate responsibility — inexhaustibly connecting good people with one another so they can do great things. Whether hosting a panel on that status of refugees, writing on the most cutting edge communications strategies for Fast Company, or serving on one of half a dozen boards, she brings infectious enthusiasm and studied strategic thinking.
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Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Victoria Beckham is a busy woman, but yesterday was no mean feat even for the world famous designer: as well as presenting her AW19 collection – the second time her sophisticated and sleek brand has featured on-schedule at London Fashion Week – she hosted a bash at Mark's Club in Mayfair to celebrate the launch of her fashion and beauty YouTube channel.
Guests including Gia Coppola, Adut Akech and Alexa Chung added extra style to the occasion, and a Spice Girls tribute drag band brought the fun. Needless to say, the drinks were flowing and VB was the toast of the night.
Click through to see who was at Victoria Beckham's opulent after-party.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Alexia Niedzielski and Joséphine de La BaumePhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Luke Evans and Derek BlasbergPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Alexa ChungPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Natalia VodianovaPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Hana Cross and Brooklyn BeckhamPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Gaia RepossiPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.David and Victoria BeckhamPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Kim Jones and Nikolai von BismarckPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Susanna LauPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.The Spice GuurlsPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Olivia PalermoPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Laura BaileyPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Henry HollandPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Adut AkechPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Julia Restoin RoitfeldPhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTubeImage may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Tan FrancePhoto by Victor Boyko/Getty Images for YouTube
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“The doctor will see you now” was perhaps Supriya Lele’s first thought for her AW19 collection. Inspired, as ever, by her family, Supriya took a delve into the matriarchs in her lineage, many of whom are doctors. Different from her, yes, but here the young and fantastically smart designer proved once again that she can use what her mother gave her (her brain, of course) to create a collection brimming with intersects — visual, intellectual and emotional.
It was the designer’s second ever presentation out there on her own, since she strode from under the umbrella of London’s NewGen scheme, which supports the UK’s brightest design stars. It’s a scary thing to face the fashion schedule alone but, as evidenced by this collection, it looks brilliant on Supriya.
Set in what felt like a doctor-cum-dominatrix’s office, brown PVC flaps and bright LED ring lights plunged the collection into a clinical setting. But the clothes were far from clinical: light blues, mauves and acid yellowish-greens (one of Lele’s signature colours) created the backbone of the collection, in the form of sheer mesh rollnecks and smartly draped dresses.
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Outerwear — like a standout brown leather with a fire orange faux fur trim, or an evergreen ladies-who-lunch coat — was sharp, powerful and invoked feelings of concealing it all, only to drop the coat at the door and take charge of yet another worthless man.
Lele’s collections are always in conversation with sex and sexuality. But unlike so many of the sex references we’re used to from men who design for women, there’s a thoughtfulness and a quietness to the way sex and fetishism appear in Lele’s work. There were small leathery aprons, dresses which zipped all the way down, and skirts split up to the hip bone. Touches of PVC and shimmering knitwear were like liquid layers atop skin, and teeny-tiny bralets sat above layers and created a cinched silhouette just above the breast. It’s strange, it makes you want to look for longer.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.
A little NHS blue — like a dress in the colour of nurse’s scrubs — and white tights reminded us of the medicinal properties of the looks. The ways to wear can be found in layering: sheer on sheer, with PVC or nylon on top. Colours should be muted and bright together, powdery and strong. Imagine unusual silhouettes: nipped at the bust or broad sleeves just below the shoulder.
In the past, Lele has looked at the men in her life, cutting patterns from her dad’s shirts and old masculine trench coats, mixing it with her beautiful sari draping. This season took a turn toward more feminine cuts (although we all know clothing has no gender) but at no point was it twee, nor did it lose its strength. Each season, Lele proves that the key to good design is focus, thought, a many-layered approach. It’s a pretty tricky job to make mothers, doctors and dominatrixes seem like the perfect mix, yet Lele pulled it off perfectly. I’m sick… for Supriya!
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The New York Times put an end to recent speculation with information straight from Bey and Jay’s personal trainer, Marco Borges: “Beyoncé eats ‘a plant-based’ — i.e. vegan — ‘breakfast daily’ and consumes no meat on Mondays. Jay-Z eats ‘two plant-based meals a day.’”
So perhaps the best way to characterise the superstars is as part-time vegans (or rather, excuse me, part-time “plant-based” dieters). And “part-time” is key here, as it seems that Beyoncé’s food schedule only flirts with veganism while leaving ample opportunity for some pizza or ice cream on the side. The trail of evidence for this goes back for years: The New York Times did its due diligence and dug up a Destiny’s Child-era video of Beyoncé declaring her lifelong love for Popeyes fried chicken. “We’ve all promised ourselves that we will stay the same people,” she said emphatically when asked how the trio will navigate fame. “[We] still like Popeyes chicken…”
The article also cited a 2015 email to The New York Times where Beyoncé explicitly said, “First it’s important that you know I am not a vegan.” This was in response to an article about how she and Jay were touting their newfound love for — and business investment in — the vegan lifestyle.
This revelation might be of interest to any curious potential vegans thinking about entering the new Greenprint Project sweepstakes the superstar couple is currently promoting through 22 Days Nutrition, a food company co-owned by Bey, Jay, and Borges.
To be clear, fans don’t actually have to go vegan to enter the sweepstakes. They simply have to sign up for and promote the Greenprint Project online for the chance to win Beyoncé and Jay-Z concert tickets for life (or, rather, for up to 30 years). Bey did it herself, sharing two images that read: “My Greenprint is Plant-based for breakfast” and “My Greenprint is Meatless Mondays.” In the process, it appears that Bey and Jay want their fans to learn about the benefits of cutting out meat from their lives, and perhaps even adopting a “plant-based” diet themselves.
But that’s where it gets a bit confusing. According to The New York Times, the Greenprint lifestyle is easy to conflate with veganism, but — and this cannot be stressed enough — this is a “plant-based” program. Through 22 Days Nutrition, Greenprint practitioners can even opt into different “plant-based” meal kit options, all of which are soy, dairy, and gluten-free.
Yes, we know what you’re thinking: that looks and sounds exactly like veganism (because, well, it is). Marketing materials for 22 Days Nutrition even use the phrase “Vegan Time” to promote their products, as Beyoncé used that same expression in a few Instagram captions when she was prepping for Coachella.
As Borges explained to TheNew York Times, “The term vegan typically refers to people who avoid all animal products (meat, dairy, leather, fur, etc…) not just in their diet but also in their lives.” But although it has her stamp of approval, it appears that not even Queen Bey is all plant-based (or vegan, rather) all the time.
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New information has come to light in the Steven Avery case that his attorney, Kathleen Zellner, believes could exonerate him, and she is convinced the Wisconsin attorney general’s office is “trying to deceive” the court by destroying evidence.
The evidence in question isn’t totally new to the case. It is the bone fragments of the victim, Teresa Halbach. Originally, it was said that the fragments were discovered at Avery’s home in his burn pit and burn barrel. What the original reports didn’t say was that there is evidence that fragments were also discovered at another location, reports Rolling Stone. Avery’s defence would have never known, had it not been for a police report Zellner claims she received in December 2018 from an anonymous third party. The report, filed on September 20, 2011, indicates that “human bones” recovered during the investigation were collected from locations that prosecutors claimed had nothing to do with the murder. The fragments were then removed from the Calumet County sheriff’s department’s evidence control unit and transferred to a local funeral home which then “returned” them to the Halbach family in 2011. Zellner believes that these additional bone fragments would have been a step toward proving the longtime defence theory that Halbach was killed and burned at another location.
The Manitowoc County quarry, the second location in the report, contained three burn piles. One of the piles contained what is believed to be a fragment of a human pelvis. All of them contained bones which were labeled by law enforcement as “human” or “suspected human.” At the trial, the prosecution downplayed the likelihood that the bones were human.
Zellner has tried to have testing done on the bone fragments since 2016; however, her efforts have been met with resistance. Zellner’s request was initially approved in 2017, then denied by the circuit court. The examination is now on hold pending approval by the Court of Appeals. She believes the bones could have been destroyed.
According to Wisconsin law, law enforcement is required to preserve “any biological material” and “physical evidence” until the convicted defendant has been discharged from prison. If you watched the Netflix docuseries, Making A Murderer, or followed the case, you’ll know that Avery is serving a life sentence with the possibility of parole. A state statute protects his rights to retain evidence that may be reasonably used in his case.
“It isn’t just the pelvic bone, there’s about 10 bones that were recovered from the quarry,” Zellner explained to Rolling Stone. “By giving them [to the Halbach family]…they have just confirmed they believe those bones are human. It’s a very sneaky way to get evidence destroyed. It seems very deliberate that the thinking was, ‘We need to get rid of those bones, but we can’t just go in and cremate them ourselves.’”
Zellner has submitted numerous letters to supplement a January 24, 2018 motion that accuses prosecutors of violating state law and Avery’s constitutional rights by destroying evidence and “obstructing” her ability to find out. She has submitted letters following up on her motion as recently as this week.
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A trip to the beach sounds absolutely lovely right about this time of year — and it looks like our favourite stand-up comedian agrees.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel went to Paris, the Catskills, and rural Pennsylvania in season 2, but Rachel Brosnahan’s Midge Maisel is going all-out with a trip to Miami next season. Entertainment Tonight reports that stars Tony Shalhoub and Marin Hinkle — who play Midge’s parents Abe and Rose, respectively — revealed the trip during Sunday’s Writers’ Guild Awards.
“I think I’ve heard that we’re going to Miami in June. That’s all I know,” Shalhoub said. “I don’t know what that [entails]. It’s about [Midge's] tour, but that’s all I got.”
At the end of season 2, Midge’s personal and professional lives were at a major crossroads, as she agreed to go on a tour and open for a famous musician — just moments from her engagement to Benjamin (Zachary Levi). The stage is set for even more drama, as the final shots of the season showed Midge quite literally running into the arms her ex-husband Joel (Michael Zegen).
Shalhoub hinted that the whole family will be joining Midge on at least one leg of the tour, saying that his character might be coming around from his initial cold reaction to Midge’s fledgling comedy career.
“I think that maybe he’s starting to realise that this isn’t just a pipe dream and that maybe, in the eyes of the public, she’s got something,” Shalhoub said. “I’m not sure, but I think there’s a little bit of a thaw going on.”
With the entire family hitting the beach, we foresee some serious culture shock — Miami Beach is very much notthe Upper West Side. With showrunner Amy Sherman-Palladino at the helm, everything from sand to surf to sunscreen is fair game for hijinks and snappy dialogue. We’re also hoping that Midge’s sharp mid-century New York style gets a more colourful, tropical twist, and maybe we’ll get some sort of salsa dance sequence that mirrors the big band socials at the Catskills.
Oh, and here’s something else that’s certainly worth considering: have Abe, Rose, and Midge ever had Cuban food before? Are they ready for some of the best ropa vieja of their lives?
We’ll have to wait and see what’s in store, but hopefully not for too long — season 3 of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is set to begin filming next month.
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On The Basis of Sexdoes its best. It’s a solid example of the genre, which offers some truly inspiring moments, but somehow also already feels dated, a relic of a simpler time when we believed that doing the right thing and persevering ensured success and justice.
Directed by Mimi Leder, the film’s action is divided over three momentous periods in young Ruth’s (Felicity Jones) life: 1956, when she begins her first year at Harvard Law School, and has to juggle sexism and misogyny, mountains of classwork, motherhood, and her beloved husband Marty’s (Armie Hammer) colon cancer diagnosis; the early 1960s, when Ruth, who graduated at the top of her class, is turned down for jobs at 12 law firms on account of her gender; and the early 1970s, when Ruth, now a law professor at Rutgers University, takes up her first gender discrimination case (1972’s Moritz v. Commissioner) alongside Marty, and ACLU lawyer Mel Wulf (Justin Theroux).
That last part takes up the bulk of the film’s run time, but in many ways, it’s the middle segment — the shortest — that builds up the most interesting tension.
The film establishes early on that RGB is an exceptional person. She’s phenomenally smart and driven, able to grasp complicated legal concepts quickly and then articulate them precisely. She can multitask to the extreme. By all logic, she’s a woman who should go on to do great things. And though we, as an audience, know that she does, On The Basis Of Sex deftly puts forward the idea that it wasn’t always a given.
One scene in particular, in which Ruth and Marty attend a work party of his in New York, sticks with you. Ruth’s nerves are already frayed from a previous run-in with teenage daughter Jane (a wonderful Cailee Spaeny), who basically calls her a Stepford wife sellout for not letting her go to a Gloria Steinem rally. (Offhand comments from Marty’s law partners like, “You’re a smart girl Ruthie, you married a star,” certainly don’t help.) But it’s later, as they’re walking home, that things get interesting. Ruth confronts Marty, telling him she doesn’t appreciate being put down in front of his colleagues. He responds with confusion: she’s a law professor, helping mould the next generation of lawyers — what does she have to feel insecure about? But that’s just it. Ruth isn’t satisfied taking a backseat to the young women in her class. She wants to do great things herself. Those are messy, jealous, petty feelings that real women have.
On The Basis of Sex is most effective when it brings Ruth out of the realm of superhero justice crusader and back down to earth. Her sometimes strained relationship with daughter Jane is a good example. Ruth is shown to be proud of her daughter, but deep down, she also resents her a little bit for having opportunities that she didn’t. That generational divide between women is one of the most interesting narrative threads in the film, reinforced by a great supporting performance by Kathy Bates as Ruth’s legal idol Dorothy Kenyon.
Less compelling are the ra-ra-feminism moments that make Ruth out to be some kind of perky optimist. (My neck may never recover from the full-body cringe at the line “it could topple the whole damn system of discrimination.”) The script, written by Ginsberg’s nephew Daniel Stiepleman, is clunky, despite his illuminating insight into his aunt’s personal life. Jones does a good job of capturing Ginsberg’s poise and determination, but her best scenes are opposite Hammer, who brings a steady, supportive performance usually reserved for “the wife” in biopics about powerful men. His Marty feels true to the countless stories that have been shared about him since his death in 2010: a funny, highly intelligent man who worshipped his wife, and was willing to step aside so she could shine. And isn’t that fucking refreshing? (Bonus: he was an excellent cook.)
As for Theroux, he is a continual delight, injecting a healthy dose of zany eccentricity into a film that could otherwise feel too earnest. (He also greets Ruth with a rendition of their Jewish camp song, a moment that needs to be played at the Oscars (if it's not too late can we let Justin Theroux host, as Mel Wulf!)
Ultimately, the film succeeds in painting a frustrating picture of a world of men who cannot — or will not — understand what the women around them are complaining about. Even Mel, a liberal crusader, dismisses Ruth’s claims as frivolous at first. Women can’t be a minority group — they’re 50% of the population, yada yada yada. The idea that the casual sexism we’re still fighting today was once embedded into law — and that this woman took it upon herself to change that — is what hits home the most.
Unlike its protagonist, On The Basis of Sex won’t change the world. But judging by the sobs coming from many of the women around me in the cinema, it certainly hits the spot.
On The Basis of Sex is released in the UK on 22nd February.
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Laura Dodsworth has spent the last year taking pictures of women's vulvas. It's not a conventional day job, but it's one she fully committed to, resulting in her upcoming book, Womanhood, and a Channel 4 documentary, 100 Vaginas.
The project is part of a wider series called The Bare Reality, which has seen Laura photograph 100 penises and 100 pairs of breasts in a bid to help people tell their story about their body in their own way. Womanhood in particular is bold, unapologetic, honest and deeply moving. To find out what the experience was like, R29 spoke to Laura about why she sees the project as the ultimate “subjectification of women”.
The 100 vulvas featured in the project have been through a broad range of experiences, from cancer to sexual trauma, FGM, abortion, miscarriage and gender reassignment. The mixed feelings of joy and pain the various vulvas have brought is what unites the women who took part. “[The project] is multifaceted, as us women are. So often we are shown as singular, but we are multidimensional and have both light and dark, highs and lows. The [documentary] demonstrates that in a real way,” says Laura.
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Womanhood was never a project Laura had planned to do, as she “perhaps didn’t feel ready to face up to [her] own story”. But after reading a series of news articles on FGM in the UK, girls as young as nine wanting a labiaplasty, and knowing that the rate of women going for smear tests is at a 21-year-low, Laura says that a voice “rose up inside me and I knew I had to do it”. She needed to be a warrior for women.
Laura is fascinated at just how much of a woman's life is focused around their vulva and vagina. From having their first period to sexual pleasure, love, painful past experiences, giving birth, menopause… “We can talk about our life cycle as women through our vulva,” Laura explains. “It is a medium for opening up so many important conversations.”
Laura herself features as one of the 100 in the book and her perception of her own body was hugely changed by the experience: “I had an idea my episiotomy scar was huge, that someone would be able to see, feel it, but [actually I found out that] it is barely visible. I was holding on to the memory and not the physical reality. I now see how pretty and beautiful my vulva is and that is extremely powerful.”
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Many of the women Laura shot couldn’t describe what their vulva or vagina looked like, as they had never looked at themselves. “Here is a part of the body that gives us enormous pleasure and fundamental experiences in life. [But I found] there was a basic lack of understanding and avoidance of the area.” As Laura discovered as the project went on, becoming familiar with and learning to understand your body can be very powerful. “When I found out how large the clitoris is and where it went, it made so much sense! Once I understood that path of pleasure in my own body, I could feel it more vividly.”
After hearing 100 different stories, Laura (probably unsurprisingly) found motherhood and birth to be a hugely definitive moment in all of the women’s lives who had experienced it; she describes it as a “primal, imprinting experience”. Nearly everyone talked of tolerating mediocre sex and of having 'performed' for men in the past, faking orgasms. On a more positive note, Laura found that a good sexual partner – one who took the time to learn about their body – could completely change a woman's feelings towards their vulva.
The experience of having their vulva photographed was cathartic to all involved. Laura calls it a a karmic fast-forward. “Shame is used to hold women down. If you tap into the big stuff, like we tapped into anger and sexuality, you get rid of that shame and we left feeling powerful.”
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“There was an enormous amount of trust, vulnerability and knowledge shared in those interviews,” she says about filming the documentary. “I cried along with several women. Every single woman on the crew cried when one lady told us her story of FGM, it was incredibly moving.” One story in particular resonated deeply with Laura, as it closely reflected her own experience of miscarriage: “I remember going to the toilet and my world fell out of me. I remember looking in the toilet and it looked like chopped liver, just as she said. I thought, My baby’s in the toilet; I am going to have to flush it. That experience was so deep and primal, her story really hit me.”
“If I had watched this when I was 16 I think my whole life might have been a bit different, I think it would have had that much impact, it has been absolutely pivotal to me. Knowing how much it helped me, I just wish I could bring that to every woman earlier.”
100 Vaginas will air on Channel 4, Tuesday 19th February. Womanhood: The Bare Reality by Laura Dodsworth is published by Pinter & Martin, £20. Proceeds from the book are being donated to gynaecological cancer charity Eve Appeal.
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Our high-stress, dysfunctional and busy world is witnessing a shift. People are increasingly switching off, taking a pause and tuning in. In turn, meditation and mindfulness practices are seeing more success than ever, becoming an integral part of many people’s lives.
Meditation apps like Headspace, which now has 16 million users, are bringing mindfulness to the mainstream, while yoga, the ultimate meditation-based exercise, is entering workplaces and classrooms, glinting through the stresses of modern life like an iPhone screen in a dark room. The benefits of the ancient practice are just too good for most to miss: one study found meditation actually changes the make-up of the brain, improving concentration, reducing stress and regulating emotions.
The upside of meditation for our sex lives is less well known, especially when it comes to the female orgasm. But an emerging pool of knowledge connecting meditation and sex suggests that being in tune with our bodies can improve our sense of touch – and lead to better orgasms.
Several studies have shown that women who practise meditation experience higher levels of desire and sexual function, which increases the chance of having more intense orgasms. One found that practising mindfulness improved concordance in sex – the association between arousal and genital response – for women with a history of sexual difficulties or reduced libido. Another study in 2017 detected a direct connection between meditation and sex, finding that women who meditated had higher levels of sexual function and desire.
“It’s about getting in the right space while having sex,” says Jessica Boston, a London-based cognitive hypnotherapist who helps women overcome sex-based issues through meditation. “To be in the moment with your partner is really important, to be thinking about connection, how it feels, [and] focusing on your body’s [sensations].”
Roughly 25% of women struggle to reach orgasm or have never had one at all, while women who do have them only orgasm during 50-70% of sexual encounters, according to estimates. “A lot of women aren’t thinking about the right things in a sexual environment,” says Boston. From overthinking the other person’s enjoyment to being anxious about body hang-ups, Boston says many women are distracted during sex. Meditation – being in the moment and focusing on a particular thought or activity – can help bring someone back into a sexy situation.
“Whenever you’re concentrating on being in the moment, that always heightens whatever it is you’re focusing on,” says Boston. “When you feel pain you can manoeuvre it and make it stronger or less intense. It’s the same for pleasure. If touch is pleasure, and you’re focusing on it, you can accentuate it.”
Much like meditation, ancient Eastern practices like tantra focus on breathing exercises to heighten sexual experiences. Tantric sex is usually slow and is said to increase intimacy between partners through a mind-body connection that can lead to more powerful climaxes.
Concentrating on being in the moment always heightens whatever it is you’re focusing on. If touch is pleasure, and you’re focusing on it, you can accentuate it.
Tantra may be more than 5,000 years old but the relationship between meditation and sex went mainstream in 2016, when San Francisco-based wellness company OneTaste popularised a practice called “Orgasmic Meditation” – or “OM”. It quickly became a media phenomenon, with reams of reports and reviews published about the company’s group meditation classes in which women had their clitorises stroked by a partner. Controversially, OneTaste has since stopped all in-person OM classes after former members of the organisation told Bloomberg how their participation ended with debts to the company and exploitation of trauma victims.
Silicon Valley corporations aside, meditation can be life-changing for sufferers of sexual trauma.
“I do meditation regularly and it’s helped me to improve my sex life,” says Nikki Mattocks, a 21-year-old student mental health nurse living in Croydon. “I experienced sexual abuse growing up and use meditation to calm negative and intrusive thoughts from my PTSD which helps my sex life.” Breathing exercises and positive affirmations before sex help Mattocks overcome shame about her body brought on by the abuse.
“When a woman has suffered a sexual trauma, there has been a major rupture to her most sacred and precious self and her entire being can become disregulated and incoherent,” says psychotherapist Elisa Bragg. “Meditation can form part of [a woman’s] healing process [by inviting her] to come back into the relationship with her body, her feelings and thoughts that she may be trying to push down and escape.”
This is not to say orgasms are dictated by our mental states alone. The “orgasm gap” and a disparity between clitoral and vaginal climaxes has led many women to believe they’ve been wired incorrectly. But the majority of people with vaginas don't orgasm from penetration. Anatomy is key; women with a shorter distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening may be more likely to climax during sex, while the connection between the genitals and the brain is integral to climaxing. Naomi Wolf’s 2012 book Vagina explores the science of orgasms, summarised as “how the genitals connect to the lower spinal cord, which in turn connects to the brain”.
Given this connection, sex itself can also be a practical meditation method.
Catherine*, a 29-year-old Londoner who has a demanding job and busy lifestyle, uses sex as a relaxation tool. “Imagine this,” she says, “you’re floating in a pool, and there’s nothing around you. You’re calm, and relaxed, and your ears are underwater so you can’t hear anything either. That’s what happens to my mind when I have sex.” Catherine has no specific process for this, but she stresses how sex allows her to “shut off my mind and focus purely on a physical act,” much like meditation.
Women are increasingly taking matters into their own hands when it comes to pleasure, with the rise of feminist sex toys, masturbation, sex positivity and now meditation, marking a woman-led quest for upgraded orgasms.
“It’s an exciting time for women to realise there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them,” says Boston. “They’re taking the time to learn about their own bodies and where their mind needs to be in sexual situations.”
*Name has been changed for privacy reasons
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Muslim women have long been the subject of the daily news cycle, from the infatuation with what they wear to their alleged submissiveness and yet their own voices have been notably absent from the discussion. It’s this that prompted author Mariam Khan to edit the first anthology of its kind, It’s Not About The Burqa, which is published in the UK this week.
In it, 17 Muslim women – including journalists, playwrights and activists – talk frankly and on their own terms, showing us they’re significantly more multifaceted than we’re led to believe. Khan tells Refinery29 that she would constantly see Muslim women's identities “shaped (in a way) that wasn’t necessarily informed by them. This book centres our narrative in our own voices.”
It takes the power back, talking about our experiences beyond our bodies, I hope readers take away that Muslim women are not a monolith.
In INATB, the Muslim female experience is deftly explored, from reporting at a far-right rally as the only Muslim journalist in the room (Salma Haidrani, “Eight Notifications”) to a part-time hijabi finding her queer identity (Afshan D’souza-Lodhi, “Hijabi (R)evolution”), via the intersections of being black, female and Muslim (Raifa Rafiq, “Not Just a Black Muslim Woman”) and a divorce that strays far from the tired narrative (Saima Mir, “A Woman of Substance”). Notably, it explores why they’re much, much more than the clothes they wear. “It takes the power back, talking about our experiences beyond our bodies,” Khan says. “I hope readers can take away that Muslim women are not a monolith.” She concedes that the book is long overdue, and that she would have benefitted from it as a teenager. “It would have empowered me in believing there were many diverse experiences of Muslim women in the world and widened my then-narrow view of what they could be.”
Khan hopes that the book will spark conversation, seeing each essay as “the beginning of a discussion that can lead to a million more”. For me, Salma El-Wardany’s contribution, “A Gender Denied”, resonated the most. Tackling the culture of silence surrounding sex in Muslim communities, it was a chapter I realised I’d been waiting years to read. El-Wardany recounts losing her virginity in a positive way, where it seemed “as if the world had been painted just for me that day”. Given that chastity beyond the confines of marriage is encouraged from early childhood by both the Islamic community and within families, her experience is a refreshing departure from feeling guilt, something many of my Muslim friends can and do feel. Even so, she was aware that a “line had been crossed” – her girlfriends later questioned whether she prayed afterwards. “The not-so-subtle message was that a sin had been committed and now was the time for redemption.”
My journey to becoming a sex-positive Muslim woman and putting my desires at the forefront of my sexual experiences was one of secrecy.
This echoed true for me. Sex was a huge component of my relationship with a Muslim man a few years ago but for months this was a source of shame, guilt and secrecy, as I forced myself to unlearn years of subconscious fear and guilt in order to enjoy my own pleasure. As El-Wardany argues: “Muslim women are only taught what is wrong, never what is allowed, and they are never encouraged or shown the ways in which two people can, and should, enjoy others.” This was compounded when I came to realise just how much I enjoyed sex outside the confines of marriage. My journey to becoming a sex-positive Muslim woman and putting my desires at the forefront of my sexual experiences was one of secrecy – one which involved leading a double life, making excuses to family about where I’d stayed that weekend, my overnight bag filled with tiny lingerie stuffed in a secret corner of the room.
It’s little wonder I felt so conflicted. El-Wardany highlights the prevailing narrative that conflates sex outside marriage with being haram (forbidden by Islamic law): “Anything haram is punishable by hellfire and it’s easy to understand why so many women discuss sex, shame and guilt in the same sentence. They have become so tangled with one another that they’re now part of a single conversation.”
Then, as my relationship descended into toxicity, I was unable to open up to Muslim friends for fear of judgement. The relationship – which only now I recognise as featuring classic signs of emotional abuse – made me feel so isolated that it was easier to find solace in my non-Muslim friends, where I wouldn’t be made to feel guilty. In this culture of silence, women lose out: “Now we have a new generation of Muslim women growing up in western countries with no safe spaces to have conversations about sex.” El-Wardany too wonders whether had she not been silent, she might not have found herself in an abusive relationship, “the effects of which I am still struggling with years and years later”.
It’s easy to say that the fault lies with the religion but Islam has long been a sex-positive faith (at least in the context of marriage). From Prophet Muhammad’s female companions who would marry several times because they wanted to have sexual relations to the rise of halal sex shops, Islam has long preached about women’s rights in the bedroom. Yet somewhere along the line, this message got lost. There are so many elements of my faith I love – the charity component, the community feel of Ramadan – that leaving it is out of the question. Instead perhaps, as El-Wardany says, “it’s time for quiet mouths and open arms instead of scarlet letters and pointer fingers”.
So I welcome her call for Muslim women to start having open conversations that can help us to grow and “share our experiences in rays of sunlight as opposed to whispering them in dark corners”. Because dark corners produce young women whose shame accompanies them to the bedroom. The more we see and hear voices like El-Wardany's, the more we’ll realise that there is room for Muslim women to be sex-positive and religious.
“Unlearning is a difficult process,” El-Wardany says, but I’m getting there. In my journey as a sex-positive Muslim woman, I'm putting my own pleasure first, away from shame and guilt – and I hope other Muslim women will join me.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Sure, orgasms feel good – but what do they look like? In celebration of I'll Have What She's Having, Refinery29's week dedicated to female pleasure, we commissioned seven women photographers to create an image capturing what sexual pleasure means to them.
The photographers took the brief and went for it. The results are pictures that depict what it's like to feel free and complete as a woman, they portray the complicated relationship we have with our bodies, they show friendship and openness, self-love and BDSM. It's a mixed bag of images; the complexities mirroring our own mixed relationships with sex.
Click through the album to see why each photographer picked the subject that they did and how it relates to their own experience of pleasure.
Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Daantje Bons @daantjebons
"For me, female pleasure stands for self-love and empowerment, it is something I can feel totally in charge of and it can make me feel quite powerful. Acting on my sexuality and enjoying pleasure still feels like an activistic act. Something I feel I have to fight for in order to express or to ask for it. This makes female pleasure something I want to experience as much as any other feeling. It makes me feel complete and free as a woman.
An orgasm is not always something I need from female pleasure, but when I do it makes me feel energetic and powerful. It also is very personal to me. I feel it is a present to myself, it makes me feel desirable and love-worthy."Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Matilda Hill-Jenkins @matildahilljenkins
"When I am alone, my orgasms are uncomplicated, mind-blowing and guaranteed. When other people are involved they can be rare and overlooked. During sex, I think about it constantly; if it will happen, if the other person will care if it happens. Thinking about it like that sadly only makes climaxing even less likely, because my thoughts aren’t focused on any stimulation, just the anxious inner gabble.
I sometimes feel that sex is so performative or linked to things I’ve seen in film that the sensations are difficult for me to get lost in. Which is why when I’m alone my orgasm is empowering and all for me. I care about me and I will make sure I come.
A guy I was sleeping with once said to me (as I moved into a position which felt amazing for me): "If people could see what we looked like right now, they’d think we’d never had sex before."
It’s frustrating that we are fed such an unrealistic, performative and glossy version of female masturbation and pleasure. When the reality is mundane and awkward and can look ridiculous. But it’s not about how it looks, it’s about how amazing it feels. Shuffling robotically against an old soft toy as a teenager, or humping a veiny purple piece of silicone is hardly good porno material.
I feel extremely lucky to have so many wonderful, sex positive women in my life, and because of that I feel less alone in experiencing frustration around orgasms and female pleasure.
So I took this of my best friend. She and I talk so openly and candidly about sex and it felt really appropriate to photograph her in an empowering, typically male posture, looking frankly and unapologetically at the camera."Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Ashley Armitage @ladyist
Female pleasure (as well as trans and non-binary pleasure) deserves just as much attention IRL and in the media as the cis male orgasm.
Here is a photo of my good friend, Lena O'Neal.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Francena Ottley @lebleuart
"There has always been a lack of connection to and understanding of our female bodies from an early age. The idea of pleasure has been seen as something only a man can achieve. Many don’t realise the positive impact pleasure can have on one's menstrual cycle, pregnancy, mental and physical health. I was taught for so long to hate everything about my body and to fall at the feet of a man. Eventually I found strength in understanding my value and worth, which grew a closer connection to myself and sexuality. The taboos that were once around sex and female pleasure began to break and I finally found my freedom."Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Mycoze @mycoze_
"First time I had an orgasm, I was around 12 and I was very ashamed of it. I started to have sex at 16, and it took me until I was 19 years old to have my first orgasm with a partner. For me, an orgasm was always something I had to fake during sex, because I didn't want to upset my partner and because I felt pressure to have one. An orgasm was something quick that I had to get rid of alone. Often, after sex when my partner would go to the bathroom, I would try to make myself come quickly, without noise and in secret. If I couldn't succeed, I would swallow my pride and stay unsatisfied. My biggest fear was to get caught, because I was ashamed of myself.
For a long time, I've felt disconnected from my body sexually. In the past, I had sex without even letting myself imagine I could ever have an orgasm. It was automatic, I was having sex and faking an orgasm without even questioning it. Now, having sex is not only about reaching orgasm, it's about the complexity of the feelings, it's an art.
Sex is pleasure, Sex is pain, Sex is a game, Sex is a form of expression, Sex is everything I want it to be.
Sex is more than an orgasm. Sex is intricate and I love it that way."
–Gabrielle, the model.Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Alexandra Kacha @alexandrakacha
"I had tears in my eyes when I had my first orgasm, for no reason at all. I felt vulnerable, unsure of how to behave. The notions of an orgasm were unknown to me, it was engulfing. Like a sacrifice, like an offering, almost something of a drowning."Image may be NSFW. Clik here to view.Rochelle Brock @rochellefatleopard
I grew up thinking that being involved in anything sexual before marriage was taboo. That it wasn’t appropriate to even talk about sex . So even now at 23 I’ve had to unpack a lot of my feelings about sex and sexual pleasure. Having an orgasm to me means that I am allowing myself to explore my body and its responses to what I do and do not like on a personal level. It means that I am giving myself the gift of being vocal about my own needs and wants without feeling a sense of shame.
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